Saturday, April 22, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 22, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Alien races have finally contacted Earth. It happened late last night after several alien civilizations caught wind of a supposed plan by NASA to send Donald Trump's bloated corpse into space. The message NASA received, signed by multiple alien races, reads, "We don't want that asshole out here."

Friday, April 21, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 21, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Sean Spicer confirmed that even though Alex Jones has now admitted to being a total fake, Donald Trump's bloated corpse still enjoys being propped up in front of the radio to listen his program.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 20, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Now that Donald Trump has been dead for a couple of days, Melania is, for the first time, seriously considering moving into the White House.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 19, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Sean Spicer assured the nation that Donald Trump's hideous, bloated corpse is still in control of the country. "While it's true that yesterday Donald and Ivanka were killed by a carload of angry clowns, absolutely nothing has changed," Spicer said at a today's press conference. After a moment, he added, "The president may spend a little less time on Twitter."

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Trump Supporters Are Idiots, Round Six

Wow, the Trump supporters just won't stop proving themselves to be dingbats and shitheads.

I posted a link to my alternative fact on Donald's Facebook page, introducing it like this: Don't worry, folks. Donald Trump is dead. That's right: dead. You can read about it here...

And it contained a link to this alternative fact:

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Today my dream came true. A clown car pulled up onto the White House lawn, and fifteen angry clowns climbed out, a dozen of them carrying a long string of barbed wire, which they began wrapping around Donald and Ivanka, winding it tighter and tighter, the barbs tearing into their twisted flesh. While they did that, one of the other clowns played a lovely dirge on ukulele, while the remaining two clowns performed an elegant interpretive dance, not easy to do in those giant shoes. When the song and dance were finished, the other clowns unwound the barbed wire, and all of them got back into the car, leaving the hideous corpses of Donald and Ivanka in an eternal embrace on the lawn. A witness reports seeing a strangely satisfied smile on Donald's deceased face as the clown car drove off into the Washington, D.C. morning traffic.

A fascist calling himself Pal Max commented on my post...

Pal Max: Your post is most certainly a death threat against the POTUS. I am on the phone now reporting you.
My response: Pal Max, good for you, you little Nazi. You are the perfect citizen for the new fascist America. No sense of humor.
Joseph Soto: Pal Max So am I...
My response: Joseph Soto, while you're on hold, you might enjoy reading some of my other alternative facts, you moron: 
(And I included a link to my alternative facts.)

Unfortunately, it turns out Pal Max isn't even a real person. His Facebook page is completely empty. No friends, no posts, nothing. Joseph Soto, however, has lots of crazy shit on his page. Lots of anti-Obama and anti-Clinton stuff, as well as weird biblical quotes, posts from a group calling itself Conservative Patriots, and stuff like "Texans for Jesus." Yeah, you get the picture. He even has some nonsense against the Environmental Protection Agency. Joseph Soto is a real piece of work, that one. And, of course, he never followed up. That is, he never posted what response, if any, he got from... well, from whatever number he supposedly called. I hope he did call someone, and I hope whoever received his call enjoyed reading my alternative facts. By the way, a member of Joseph's family, Margie Soto, studied at a place called Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, which made me laugh out loud. I don't know if that's a real place or not, and I kind of don't want to know. I just want to remain amused.

Alternative Fact: April 18, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Today my dream came true. A clown car pulled up onto the White House lawn, and fifteen angry clowns climbed out, a dozen of them carrying a long string of barbed wire, which they began wrapping around Donald and Ivanka, winding it tighter and tighter, the barbs tearing into their twisted flesh. While they did that, one of the other clowns played a lovely dirge on ukulele, while the remaining two clowns performed an elegant interpretive dance, not easy to do in those giant shoes. When the song and dance were finished, the other clowns unwound the barbed wire, and all of them got back into the car, leaving the hideous corpses of Donald and Ivanka in an eternal embrace on the lawn. A witness reports seeing a strangely satisfied smile on Donald's deceased face as the clown car drove off into the Washington, D.C. morning traffic.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Fun With Trump Supporters: The Game Continues, April 17th

Those who support Donald Trump are scoundrels, cretins, and assholes. No question about it. But mostly they're just stupid beyond belief. And so the game continues. Here is a little fun I had today on Donald Trump's Facebook page.

Becky Brown  (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "Love you Mr. President. You are doing a phenomenal good job. !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My response: "Wow, Becky, adding those exclamation points after the period really makes you seem sincere."
(Becky is so bright that she actually liked my response.) 

Laurie Ann Pappas (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "I have stopped watching every news channel except Fox. I have lost all respect for the media and their fake slanted stories. They truly are pathetic! Shame on them all"
My response: "Laurie, Fox doesn't have a news channel. Not really. Are you one of those self-loathing women that actually respects abusive bastards like Donald Trump and Bill O'Reilly? You feel deep down that you deserve to be harassed and hurt, don't you? Well, maybe you do." 

Cristine Gritz (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "I am thankful every day that you are our President! The media is a joke and the intelligent Americans know it! Keep doing what you are doing and know that millions and millions of the silent and LEGAL majority are behind you all the way! You are amazing in everything you do and these snowflakes don't matter! They prefer corruption and deceit!! Heart U President Trump!"
My response: "Cristine Gritz, if you count yourself among those millions of silent people, then please remain silent. Keep your moronic comments to yourself. (And great name, by the way. I'll probably use it in something.)" 

Catherine Robert (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "Dear Mr. President. PLEASE, Never release your taxes! It's too much fun watching the Liberals make fools of themselves about them!"
My response: "Catherine is right! I'd rather watch people get legitimately angry than learn the truth about what foreign powers have financial sway over the leader of our country. Good for you, Catherine, for speaking up for those of us who enjoy the anger of others and don't care about the truth or treason or any of those sorts of things." 

Nancy Jo (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "Those of us with brains realize exactly what the media is doing. They are so obvious!"
My response: "Nancy Jo, you are right! It is so obvious what they're doing - filming what Donald says, taking notes, reporting on his words and deeds. We know what they're up to, what with their note-taking and their recording and their questions and their search for the truth. Those bastards are standing up for democracy. How dare they do that in this great new fascist America that Donald has created. And to be so obvious about it too!" 

Jose Alvarez (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "What's a big deal with the President Taxes. We have many more problems in our country that we should be worry about. Those protesters are not protest because President Trump Tax returns.They are protested because some body are instigating them."
My response: "Jose, your grasp on the English language is commendable. What I think you're saying is that Donald Trump has created a lot more problems, problems that can't be solved by merely looking at his tax returns and discovering what foreign powers have given him money. And that really it is Donald's entire presidency that should be protested."  

Reza Farnood (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "We the people stand by you until the end. I noticed that they try to be smart mouth and disrespect you, but we do not listen. No worries in our end sir"
My response: "Reza, the end will be soon, so then you can sit down and relax. Either way, go on not listening. And when you say you have no worries in your end, are you referring to your anus? Was there some trouble during your checkup?"

Alma Holstein (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "We have your back Mr. President you are right on course we voted you in and we respect you stay true to God and our country and keep moving forward !!!!"
My response: "And avoid using commas and periods at all cost. Commas and periods are the devil's punctuation! The only punctuation marks God-fearing Republicans are allowed to use are exclamation points!"

Alternative Fact: April 17, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): As his attorneys insist, Donald Trump cannot be sued while he is acting as president of the United States, even for things he did before taking office. Since he is above the law, Donald should not feel any constraints when choosing a course of action (or when one is chosen for him by Putin, Bannon, or his poisonous snake Jasper), and so can do whatever he wishes in his noble efforts to make America great again.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Trump Supporters Are Idiots, Round Five

I've discovered that Trump supporters are either idiots or assholes, so it's best to assume - should you come across one - that he or she is an idiot. It's the kinder way to approach the situation. And certainly it is the case with regards to Dannett Scappaticci (@MrsScappaticci on Twitter).

I had posted a link to today's alternative fact on Donald Trump's page, and Dannett Scappaticci took it upon herself to respond.

Here is what she wrote: Another idiot who gets his info from bloggers lol

An interesting idea, since I am a blogger, and the link she commented on was to my blog. But I'm sure that she didn't recognize how silly her post was.

So I went to her Twitter page to see what other nonsense she'd been posting. And there was certainly a lot of it. She had "re-tweeted" this little gem from a real winner named Mark Dice: Has ISIS infiltrated Berkeley - or are those just Anti-Trump protesters? It's impossible to tell the difference anymore.

My response: Intelligent people can tell the difference. But for Trump supporters, I understand everything is difficult.
(And I included a link to one of my "Fun With Trump Supporters" posts.)

Dannett Scappaticci then felt a need to respond. This was her brilliant response: Intelligence is a word you should never use as it was never used to describe you lmao

My response: "Intelligence" is a noun, moron, so it's not used to describe people.

(By the way, I think very little of people who type "lol" and "lmao." Also, I suspect they're liars. Are they really laughing out loud?)
 
Dannett Scappaticci, being too stupid to understand she should quit, then typed this:  Actually youre just a moron. But hey keep going its quite comical

My response: If you're going to call someone a "moron," make sure you don't have spelling and grammatical errors in your post. Geez, you're an idiot.

Yes, Dannett Scappaticci is the type of person that supports Donald Trump.

Alternative Fact: April 16, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Ivanka Trump was not given a free ride. She had to earn every dollar bill her daddy left on her dresser.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 15, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump is currently working to get permission from Vladimir Putin to release his tax returns, as he promised he would. Because, as you know, Donald Trump keeps all his campaign promises.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 14, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump confirmed today that his military policy is to bomb anything that makes Ivanka sad.

To Deborah Pollack, A Sad, Frightened Creature

Friends, not many people knew Deborah Pollack. And fewer understood her. That's because she was a raving lunatic who listened to the voices she believed spoke to her through her radio and her microwave oven, long after her electricity had been shut off due to lack of payment. But I got to know her briefly, in that short period before the medication turned her brain to total mush. She communicated with me, and then suddenly disappeared, her words disappearing with her. This post then is in memory of Deborah Pollack, a baffled and befuddled mess of hair and rags and kitty litter.

Though her words are now gone, my messages to her remain. I include them here for the record.

Thursday, April 13 2017, 10:01 p.m.: Uh-oh, we've angered one of them. To calm Deborah Pollack down, speak in whispers and in cliches. Say things she has heard hundreds of times, mindless Republican chants. Then once she has closed her eyes, you can get the muzzle on her and put her down.

Thursday, April 13, 2017, 10:10 p.m.: It's going to be okay, Deborah Pollack. Don't worry. FOX News, lock her up, Trump Pence, Make America Great Again.... See, folks, it's working. She is starting to smile, starting to put away her claws.

Friday, April 14, 2017, 2:44 a.m.: Ha! Friends, it seems that Deborah Pollack has blocked me because I can no longer see any of her insane mumbling. I suppose that means she is either tamed or terrified of me. I claim victory. Another creature has been defeated. Good riddance to Deborah Pollack, a buffoon and a complete turd. It will be a great day when all of her like are silenced. Let us now gather in prayer, and petition the almighty gods and goddesses to remove other such beasts from our beloved planet. Onward! 

A man named Duane Key then interjected:  Michael, I believe its because you're too much of an idiot to try and have a discussion with

I patiently responded to Duane, a petulant bed-wetter and amateur sodomite: No, Duane, she's frightened. She's hiding now. She knows she's defeated, and can't bear to have her nonsense ridiculed any longer. It's likely that she'll stay in hiding for a long time. Perhaps she'll never come back. Perhaps she's huddled in a corner with a plush bunny and a box of cookies and the remote to a television she no longer owns. And maybe she'll scribble some thoughts on the wall of her trailer, and when the doctors come to remove her in the coming years, they might see that writing, and perhaps one will care enough to attempt to decipher it. Or perhaps not. Maybe the doctors will have other things on their minds, and the final mumbling of Deborah Pollack will be lost forever.

Goodbye, Deborah Pollack. 

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 13, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Just because someone is a relative to Donald Trump doesn't necessarily mean that person will be given an important job in the administration. However, today Donald promised Barron Trump his pick of ambassadorships if the child can persuade Melania to move to the White House.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 12, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump explained that the runways at the Syrian base were never the target, and that's why none of the 59 missiles hit them. He also confirmed that the chemical weapons stockpiles at the base were not targeted. "I targeted the real source of the trouble," Donald said. "I got it from reliable sources - Breitbart, FOX News and my snake Jasper - that the base's cafeteria was where the real trouble was. They served those awful square pizzas, where the cheese comes off in one rubbery clump. That sort of thing is sad and has to be stopped, no matter where in the world it is found, and no matter how much it costs American taxpayers."

Fun With Trump Supporters: We Have To Find Some Use For These People

Many of the so-called Trump supporters on Facebook and Twitter are actually fabrications (like Sasha Petrin, for example). They are not real people. I noticed that the exact same comments (with the exact same spelling and grammatical errors) would show up on various posts. So there are fewer Trump supporters than what a casual glance at Donald's Facebook page might suggest. But the fact that anyone still supports this mendacious prick is alarming and depressing. What I've found is that these people are ignorant, racist morons, who are clinging to this man because he is just like them (except that he is rich and they are not). There is no sense in trying to educate them because they have a tendency to ignore facts. So all we can do is play with them. Nothing wrong with that. Let the games continue!

Becky Anne Wheeler Brown (on Facebook, 3-31-17): "We've got your back President Trump!! We know who the corrupt government is and what their wanting!! Your doing a great job!! We trust you to drain the swamp!!"
My response: "Becky Anne Wheeler Brown, your grasp on the English language is what's wanting here. Let's take a look at what you wrote: 'We've got your back President Trump!! We know who the corrupt government is and what their wanting!! Your doing a great job!! We trust you to drain the swamp!!' Okay, first, you need a comma after 'back.' Then eliminate the second exclamation point. Using more than one exclamation point is a sign of someone not having progressed beyond the fourth grade. Also, please learn the difference between 'their' and 'they're.' And the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' Once you've mastered these basics, please feel free to post your thoughts on Facebook. But until then, keep your asinine thoughts to yourself."

Francis Allen (on Facebook, 3-31-17): "Best President EVER!!! Who would have thought that keeping campaign promises would be such a novelty? It has felt like Christmas morning since President Trump was elected. It just keeps getting better and better! Thank you Mr. President!"
My response: "Francis Allen, I agree! This is just like Christmas morning. Every Christmas, we have certain traditions in my family. First, Santa grabs my sister by the pussy. Then my dad hides his tax returns and calls his friends in Russia. My mom disappears for long periods of time. No affection is shown between my parents, except when other relatives show up later in the day to take photos. My crazy Aunt Kellyanne gets drunk and tells us fantastic tales of terror until my dad tells her to shut up. And when our Mexican neighbors come over to give us baked goods, we lock our door and pretend we can't hear them."

Anne Connors (on Facebook, 3-31-17): "It's all just so good. I'm so sorry we've become a nation of critics. I guess we've just had such horrible leadership, politicians and news for so long we're jaded. But things are on the mend. Thank you President Trump!"
My response: "I agree, Anne! Things are on the mend. Now that we've gotten rid of clean water, education, immigrants, women's health care, and democracy, this country can get back to what's really important: making money." 

Cecile Moore (on Facebook, 4-1-17): " These negative comments about Trumo are ridiculous especially I'm leaching him. He hasn't done anything to warrant impeaching. They need to go after all the Democrats who've been dealing with Russia. .. like Hillary and her uranium deal and her right hand man, Podesta, getting $35 million from them for a business he was involved in while working for Hillary. What about Comey and his letting her off the hook. And now it's come out some HIGH level Obama official is involved with all the surveillance of the Republican candidates. Probably Obama!!! And you're calling for impeach ing Trump. GET A LIFE."
My response: "Cecile, who is Trumo? And what do you mean, you're leaching him? Are you some kind of doctor who time-traveled from a couple of centuries ago? And if you have a time-traveling device, could you use it to go back to November (or even earlier) and get rid of Donald Trump for us? We would all consider you a hero." 

Sharon Love (on Facebook, 4-1-17): "Yeah ok, when all else fails, start with the name calling.... Iam referring to non Trump supporters who do nothing but whine, disrupt, lie, obstruct, collaborate, with the Democratic politicians, who obviously are not serving the american people as a whole by all of the constant, complaining, whining and obstruction.... BTW, the "kool aid" has been shared by those who are blind by the propaganda and brain washing that has spread by the Democrats and establishment elite.....Seems to me, if your not part of the solution, you are part of the problem...."
My response: "Sharon, please learn the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' It seems Trump supporters have a mighty tough time with that one. I'm thinking of holding an online English class exclusively for Trump supporters. Try to get you at least up to, say, the fifth grade reading level." 

Sylvia Petrosky (on Facebook, 4-1-17): "You are doing a good job for America, and I thank you. However, there are a lot of snakes in the swamp of Washington DC, be careful who you trust on both sides of the aisle. Dimms cannot be trusted, and not all republicans can be trusted. I pray for God to give you guidance and discernment. God can be trusted. God bless."
My response: "Sylvia, I've been getting some new information that hints that God actually can't be trusted. I hear God has been talking with some reporters over at the New York Times, and it seems also that God might have been listening in on some of Trump's phone conversations at Trump Tower. I think it's time to lock God up." 

Sam Jacobs (on Facebook, 3-30-17): "Ivanka cops lots of hate from the liberal media - despite being a respectable lifelong member of the Democrats. They eat their own so fast."
My response: "Wait, folks, Sam has a good idea here. Cannibalism. If we actually devour Ivanka, as he suggests, as well as Donald, Melania, Mike Pence, Steve Bannon, Scott Pruitt, Betsy DeVos, Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, then they won't be able to come back. Sure, it's a tough meat to swallow, and we'll likely get sick. But won't it be worth it? They'll be gone for good, and we can get things back to normal." 

Mark Wilfong (on Facebook, 4-3-17): "All these anti Trump people I feel your pain. I know what your going through. I was a victim of presidential genocide myself the last 8 years. I can assure you the pain you feel will leave on the next election just like mine was this past Nov. Now go troll another page. We get it, you don't like him. But that's ok, now you know how we felt. Now suck it up buttercups!!"
My response: "Mark Wilfong, please learn the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' And don't use words like 'genocide' until you've looked them up in a dictionary. Thanks, Mark." 

Cary Caylor (on Facebook, 4-5-17): "Things are getting better already in America... God is back in the picture... family values... Trump is going to make the world a better place .. especially if we are at peace with ex cold war era countries... God is Good...!!!!"
My response: "Cary Caylor, I agree! Things are so much better now that we're getting rid of the environment and national parks and clean air and food for the elderly and public television. I didn't see the picture of God that you mentioned. Could you forward it to me? I was wondering what the old guy looks like now." 

Jeannie Scheihing (on Facebook, 4-5-17): "Thank God for President Trump please God help him take back our country. Praying for you and your beautiful family everyday."
My response: "Jeannie, I was just talking with God, and he told me that he actually thinks Donald Trump is a racist dingbat, and that those people who still support him are deserving of an eternity of punishment. It might just be his mood, you know, but still, I would certainly be wary of voicing support for Trump on Facebook, as God tells me he wastes a lot of time on here reading these comments." 
(I went to Jeannie's Facebook page, and she had all sorts of nonsense on there, including that Barrack Obama's birth certificate had been forged, something a friends of hers named Jim Buzzell put on her page. That led me to post this response directly on her page: "You twits sure have your own version of reality going. Good for you. But please stay the hell out of mine. Thanks.") 

On April 6th, I posted this comment on the Republican Facebook page: "I didn't hate the Republican Party until today. Now I think you're all enemies of democracy."
Derrick McCord's response: "You are an idiot, this man is the most qualified person to be in the supreme court right now. Not republicans fault democrats cant get past losing and election, and this is all about losing."
My response: "Derrick McCord, wow, you bloody moron. If you're going to call someone an 'idiot,' you ought to make sure you don't have all sorts of grammatical errors in your comment. Geez. Derrick, you are exactly the type of dipshit that supports Donald Trump. Good for you."    
My second response: "Also, Derrick, what you said in your error-ridden message is completely incorrect. Someone as stupid as you should probably keep his thoughts to himself." 
Derrick McCord: "Dude really? I'm looking at your facebook, and i see all kinds of grammatical errors'. Lets get back too the point, which is about you being a liberal tard. Instead of coming back with substance to retort my post, you skirt the issue like a classic democrat tweeker, because you have nothing of value to add to this conversation. If you're going to make blank statments, atleast have some form of argument to validate what you said to begin with. Brian Hughes I would love to meet him aswell, shake his hand and what not..... Hahahaha" 
My response: "Yes, really. And no, you have no point. Derrick, you are worthless. I'm not engaging you in a discussion, because I am certain you have nothing of interest to say, to contribute. Believe what you will; it is meaningless. Say what you wish; it is irrelevant. By the way, I think you meant to type 'blanket statements,' not 'blank statments.' But again, you're a moron, so that sort of mistake is to be expected." 

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

“A Song To God”

And here is a lighter one. I'm trying to get into a better mood, you understand.

“A Song To God”

Fuck me in the bottom
Fuck me in the face
Fuck me here on Earth
Fuck me in outer space
I know you’re going to fuck me
So what’s the fucking wait?
Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me

Alternative Fact: April 11, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump has offered United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz a job in his administration, saying Munoz will be responsible for "re-accommodating" Muslims, Mexicans and transgender people.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 10, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump revealed today that his medications allow him to commune with animals, and that he's been speaking with a six-foot long poisonous snake named Jasper. "Jasper will be creating policy in the coming months," Donald said. "He's got some great, great ideas."

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 9, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump is currently in business negotiations to purchase the White House. He plans to rename the property Trump House, but promises to maintain the structure's color. "White is the only color for me," Trump said. "Believe me, I wouldn't even consider another color."

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 8, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): We are going to have the cleanest coal ever. It's going to be great. It's going to be so clean, you'll hardly even recognize it as coal. Kids will be excited to get it in their stockings at Christmas. They'll have the cleanest stockings. Those stockings are going to be so clean. Please join Donald Trump in supporting the Clean Stockings Act.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 7, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump really cares about the Syrian people, and that is why he launched this military attack, not because he desperately wishes to distract the nation from the Russian conspiracy and distance himself from Putin.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 6, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Ivanka Trump's political experience, acumen and expertise will come in handy in her new position in the White House. Also, she has promised to give all the White House staffers an employee discount on her clothing line.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 5, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): If there is anything the American public needs to know, Donald Trump will tell us about it on Twitter. No other sources of information are necessary.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 4, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Trump's choice of Betsy DeVos for Secretary of Education had nothing whatsoever to do with her brother creating a secret channel for communication between Trump and Putin, but was because of Betsy's extensive experience in public education.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 3, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Trump revealed on Twitter that there is also a "Fake Trump," and it's this Fake Trump that is supposedly involved with Russia. Donald then defended the Fake Trump, saying, "When will Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd and @NBCNews start talking about the Obama SURVEILLANCE SCANDAL and stop with the Fake Trump/Russia story?" To help him relax, Trump has promised to take Fake Trump golfing this weekend.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 2, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Bill O'Reilly and FOX News gave thirteen million dollars to those five women out of kindness and a sense of charity, not because Bill is guilty of sexual harassment. Bill O'Reilly has a lot of respect for women. In fact, the only person who respects women more than Bill O'Reilly does is Donald Trump.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 1, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Privacy is not important. What's important is that advertisers will be able to know everything that even briefly interests us so we can be made aware of all the glorious products available. And it's proper and fitting that our internet providers will be able to profit from selling that information, particularly as we are also already paying them.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Fun With Trump Supporters: The Game Just Won't End

While I do believe it's pointless to try to engage Trump supporters in intelligent conversation (they are incapable of it), I also believe we can have a bit of fun by responding to some of their nonsense. There is no harm in spending a small portion of one's day ridiculing these creatures. Just keep in mind that you will not change their minds. They have no minds to change. So do it solely for the enjoyment.

Sue Jurski (on Facebook, 3-14-17): "Hmm another woman in the cabinet of this 'woman hater' Thank you Mr President."
My response: "He doesn't hate women. He loves them. That is, he loves to grab them by the pussy. And he loves to spy on them while they're changing. And let's be clear. He doesn't just love women. He loves girls too. Young girls. Even ten-year-old girls he sees as potential future dates."
Suzanne Kuzbyt's response: "Michael D. you are creepy weird. I think you just described yourself! POS trailer trash gutter rat!"
My response: "Suzanne Kuzbyt, I guess you've forgotten the footage of him talking about a ten-year-old as a potential date. Also, the 14-year-olds he directly told he'd be dating soon. And maybe you forgot about his delightful pussy-grabbing speech in which he bragged about hitting on a married woman. Also, his creepy comments about his daughter. Don't worry, Suzanne, I will remind you of these things from time to time."
My second response: "Friends (yes, I'm including you, Suzanne), you may have also forgotten that his first wife accused him of rape, as did another woman more recently, a woman who only withdrew her accusation after receiving multiple death threats. So, yes, Donald Trump has a lot of respect for women. Keep telling yourselves that, and ignore all the information to the contrary." 

Dorothy Cain (on Facebook, 3-14-17): "I just wish that all the people in America could appreciate everything your administration are doing for us. Thank you President Trump."
My response: "Dorothy, I agree! Why can't all the people appreciate what Donald and his gang are doing? Don't they see he's doing it all for them? Destroying public education and undermining the EPA and golfing and lying and being rude to journalists and golfing and taking away our health care and golfing and trying to get people to buy his daughter's clothing line - this is all done for the people's benefit. Why can't they appreciate that?" 
Dorothy Cain: "Michael Doherty It is pathetic that you and the rest of the crazies are so mean spirited. You need to pay attention to your own lives and get a life. Have a nice day. Sad"
My response: "Dorothy Cain, wait, I should pay attention to my life and then get it? Shouldn't I get a life first, and then pay attention to it? And what exactly is mean-spirited about what I typed? Pointing out horrible things that Donald is doing is mean-spirited? So, you think he should just be able to do whatever he wants and not be criticized? Dorothy, you're a regular fascist, that's what you are." 

Cristi McCracken (on Facebook, 3-14-17): "We love you President Trump!!! They have to try and make you look bad because you make all of them look bad. We are behind you Mr President and very grateful for your enthusiasm and service!"
My response: "Cristi, you are right! The liberals are making Trump look bad. Why can't they quit quoting him and repeating the awful things he says? They're doing that just to make him look bad. And they should stop pointing out his lies. Don't they know that doing that makes him look bad? And stop pointing out that he tapes his neckties together. And don't photograph his hair in the wind. And stop photographing his utter lack of regard or affection for his wife. That also makes him look bad. Cristi, why can't they just stop making him look bad?" 

Jerica Wright-Trotter (on Facebook, 3-14-17): "So sad today! My husband and I just received an invitation to the Inauguration. Why it came in the mail almost a month late, we do not know:( We would have been there! Regardless, keep doing what you're doing President Trump. We could not be happier-2 Middle Class Americans!"
My response: "Jerica, you guys should still go! That way, Donald's estimate of how many people attended his inauguration will be slightly closer to accurate. Have a great time, you two!"
My second response: "Oh, and Jerica, you said 'almost a month late.' Do you believe the inauguration occurred in mid-February?

Melissa Diane Leonard (on Facebook, 3-16-17): "Dishonest Dems spreading lies that building was half full last night. No mention of the thousands turned away that waited hours in the cold to get in - they were told building @ capacity. #FAKENEWS #TennesseeLovesPotus"
My response: "People who chant 'USA! USA! USA!' are like dogs that have been trained to bark on command. Bad dog, no health care for you."
Daniel Duarte: "Michael Doherty Showing pride in your country is not a bad thing...sigh..."
My response to Daniel: "Daniel Duarte, it's not about pride, and you should know that. It's about salivating on command, it's about being the willing tools of an insane, narcissistic leader. There is no thought behind those chants."
Daniel Duarte: "Michael Doherty How is he insane? Lowering taxes, improving the economy, securing the border, promoting sovereignty, etc, is not insane. It's not salivating on command, they just want to show their enthusiasm for the country and for Trump, who is a representation of restoring American sovereignty, economic strength and independence, against the crony-corporate/globalist/totalitarian leftist establishment trying to implement a global regime. THEY (the globalist establishment) are what is insane."
My response: "Daniel Duarte, clearly you are a lost cause. Did you ever see any of the Invasion Of The Body Snatchers movies? None of those folks were ever able to regain their senses either. Trump supporters are no longer in control of their minds. Yet they keep typing bullshit on Facebook and Twitter."

Karen K. Dragovich (on Facebook, 3-16-17): "Snowflakes go away...The real people spoke at elections and President Trump is who we choose so get over it...Go away an cry your little eyes out. You democrats states your not hateful but you show hate each and everyday. Grow up! Trump is now our President! Don't like it then move to another ountry if they will have you."
My response: "Karen K Dragovich, please check your medication. You are speaking gibberish again. You're addressing the weather. Remember last spring when you kept talking to rain? Remember what the doctor told you? And you're trying to make distinctions again between real people and imagined people. That's good, except you're getting it all wrong. The voices in your head are not the real people. Karen, please, if you ever want to get better, you're going to have to stay on your medication. And what the hell is an ountry? Also, please learn the difference between 'you're' and 'your,' Karen."

Then I went to Karen's own Facebook page, and saw this post: "Who are you before and after drinking? I invite you to this test. Click here to generate your result now."
My comment: "Karen, remember, the doctor told you that you shouldn't be drinking, not with the medications that you're taking for your delusions." 

I had posted this on Donald Trump's Facebook page on March 16th after he held another rally so he could surround himself with his demented followers: "Who loves Donald more than Donald? No one. No one even comes close to loving Donald as much as Donald does. Donald is Donald's biggest, greatest fan. Donald holds Donald rallies. Donald answers questions about a variety of topics, but the answers are always about Donald, not about the subject asked. Because, really, what subject holds as much fascination for Donald as Donald? The Donald movement continues, brought to us all by Donald."
The message was to Donald, but one of his pet lunatics responded. 
JeanAnn Perry: "And you're jealous Do Do bird. What are to leave our country and go over where the muslums are so you can join their cult and blow yourself up"
My response: "Uh-oh, JeanAnn Perry has escaped from her cage again. Someone want to help me get her back in there before she hurts herself?"

Bob Garner (on Facebook, 3-17-17): "More AWESOME news from the President. THANK YOU.........Confidence in the USA went through the roof on election night and has continued to sky rocket since. We have hope again, not DESPAIR which the last 8 LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG years brought us. THANK GOD....."
My response: "Bob, you are so right! And like Donald says, the elderly have already eaten enough. They don't need any more meals. Let's keep winning (except, of course, those elderly folks... and students... and Muslims... and women... and artists... and transgender people)."

Elaine Campbell (on Facebook, 3-17-17): "Disregard the tiny little poor losers, Trump!!! .....their whining is sooooo pathetic!!!! Keep up the good work and continue to keep the promises you made to those who REALLY care about this country and where it is headed!!!"
My response: "I agree, Elaine! Trump should ignore the tiny and the poor. And he should keep all his promises, like showing us his tax returns and not playing golf."

Stephen Weipert (on Facebook, 3-18-17): "Keep going! The snowflakes, most of whom dont work yell, scream and cry. But those of us who work 40+ hours a week, take care of our families are silent but behind you."
My response: "Good for you, Stephen! If you've managed to silently get behind him, you could probably quickly dispatch the bastard and make an escape. Good luck!"

Barry Olken (on Ivanka Trump's Facebook page, 3-17-17): "The reason I personally admire your Dad is because he is making the unpopular choices that are needed to secure my grandchild's future....God Bless you and your family"
My response: "Barry, if your grandchild is a girl, then Donald will probably try to date her at some point, and then her future will certainly be secure."
Al Collier: "Michael Doherty, what low down, uncalled for statement. You should be investigated"
My response to Al: "Al Collier, spoken like a true fascist. Good for you, you little Nazi."

I posted this on Donald Trump's Facebook page, but it is directed at his supporters: "If you support Donald Trump, you are an enemy of democracy. You are an enemy of the environment. You are an enemy of education. You are an enemy of women. You are an enemy of transgender people. You are an enemy of the poor. You are an enemy of the elderly. You are an enemy of public television. You are an enemy of the arts. If you support Donald Trump, you are a racist and a fascist. There is no way around it. So quit your bullshit and own up to the fact that you are all horrible people. Just admit it. Be proud of it, because you are unlikely to change, because you seem immune to facts. You ignore any information that is contrary to your belief in Donald Trump. One more thing.... unless you are a millionaire, Donald Trump will end up screwing you before too long. So you are your own enemy as well."

Victoria Price (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "KY. loves, Donald Trump, you, just keep doing, what you do best, leading the way to make America great again. Please, remember, we like you, the way you are. I didn't vote for a politician in a suit, that says what you want to hear, and does nothing after they are voted in. Donald Trump, you are the kind of man, that says what he means, and does what he says, that is why, I voted for you."
My response: "Victoria, you are out of your mind. You like him the way he is? You like being grabbed by the pussy, do you, Victoria? You like being lied to? You like having your health care taken away? You like your environment being ruined? Victoria, you probably should look inward a bit, take some time, discover where you went wrong. It's not too late, Victoria. You can still turn things around."
My second response: "Victoria, most Trump fans love exclamation points. You stick out because you love commas. Look at them all, so many unnecessary commas."

Cyndi Goodrich (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "You were born for such a time as this. GOD has anointed you and appointed you. Stay humble before HIM and there's not a devil in Hell big enough to stop you from fulfilling what HE'S ordained you to do!"
(As you might guess, a lot of people responded to this lunacy from Cyndi.) 
My response: "Friends, stop teasing Cyndi. She's having a tough time fighting her way through some serious illusions. And her medication is having adverse effects on her appearance as well. Also, she just learned from her doctor that the cloud formations above her shack have not been sending her the correct lottery numbers, and she thinks her favorite television characters are angry with her. So these nutty outbursts are kind of understandable." 
Then I went to Cyndi's Facebook page and posted this: "Cyndi, God told me to contact you. He wants you to stop supporting Donald Trump. God told me that Donald Trump is actually a tool of the devil, and all of his supporters have an eternity of damnation to look forward to. Repent, Cyndi! Repent now!"
I think there is a good chance she'll believe me.

Judy Carolyn Adams (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "Haters will hate.. I am 100% Trump fan. He is MY president and will till the end of his time.... Not everything can be controlled but so far he is doing a great job...."
My response: "Judy, what is it you love about him? His respect for women? His love for the environment? His understanding of government? His smooth diplomatic skills? His impeccable spelling? His honesty? His care toward education?"  
  
Miranda Mitchell (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "We love you Donald Trump. Hold your head high. Do not let the racists bother you. I just seen something that made me very sad on here. Thank you for saving this country from Radical Islam. You know if anymore come on this soil there will be a war. The little man will fight. We see Europe."
My response: "Miranda, the racists don't bother Donald. They voted for him. They're the ones supporting him. So you have nothing to worry about, Miranda. And I hope you're right about the midgets fighting. I think that will entertain a lot of people and lift our spirits." 

Farruh Standridge (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "I wake up everyday knowing Hillary lost and lost badly, and that my friend brings a smile to my face! Happy Monday Mr President. Are we done deporting these illegals outta here yet? If not, keep deporting them!"
My response: "Farruh, every day your friend delivers a smile to your face? Is the delivery the same time each day, or does your friend try to surprise you? Does your friend deliver smiles to others too? There are a lot of people who could use a smile. For example, those who will lose their health care. Also, women. Also, transgender folks. Also, the elderly. I think it's wonderful that your friend brings a smile to your face, and I hope he or she expands that service." 

Wannetta Collins (on Facebook, 3-24-17): "Look at all the communist trolls on here WE THE PEOPLE support Trump the Marxist democrats hate America they can"t even support our Troops"
My response: "Wannetta, without proper punctuation, your comment could mean a lot of things. For example, are you saying Trump is a Marxist? It sounds like it. You should probably take some kind of English class." 

Diane Johnson (on Facebook, 3-24-17): "Donald Trump is truly the people's president. Instead of hosting entertainers and sports figures as was done by the previous.... President Trump hosts real Americans. Today was no exception as he honored these wonderful, courageous hero's."
My response: "Diane Johnson, Donald Trump desperately wants to host famous entertainers. But those folks want absolutely nothing to do with this asshole. Also, why did you put an apostrophe in 'heroes'?" 

On March 29th, I posted my daily alternative fact on Melania Trump's Facebook page: "Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Melania Trump is in love with Donald and swears she misses him every moment they are apart. Furthermore, she denies accusations that she is still a prostitute and that Donald is simply her biggest client. 'That's absurd,' she says. 'At this point, he wouldn't be able to afford me anyway.'"
I wasn't trying to engage anyone, but some people responded anyway.
Catherine Carrasco: "Trashy people talk trash."
(Interestingly, she also liked my comment.)
My response: "Catherine Carrasco, do funny people talk fun? Do silly people talk sill? Do skinny people talk skin?"
Catherine Carrasco: "Michael Where not Elementary"
My response: "Catherine Carrasco, 'Where not Elementary'? What does that mean?"
Catherine Carrasco: "if you have any sense of class about you you will not talk about other people like that that's God's job to condemn not yours"  
Kathy Columbo: "Freedom of speech used to defame a person's character, is not freedom. Instead, it is taking one's liberties and abusing them."   
My response: "Kathy Colombo, I like to abuse my liberties at least a few times a week. You know, whenever I'm lonely."
Sandy Bratcher Osborne: "You will always be lonely because you have a ugly ugly heart and aren't very bright. Also your rude sarcasm isn't very good.
My response: "Sandy Bratcher Osborne, I love that you included a grammatical error in the sentence where you accused someone else of not being bright. You're funny, Sandy." 
Kathy Columbo: "Michael Doherty Good for you. Looks like your trolling got you the attention you sought." 
My response: "Kathy Colombo, I call an end to the use of the word 'troll' online, unless, of course, you're talking about Dungeons & Dragons or Lord Of The Rings." 
Kathy Columbo: " Michael Doherty Well, I guess you can't control the narrative because you are what you are - Sorry, trolls are not just for D&D, LOTR, Harry Potter, or children's fairy tales - you are now one too. 'One who purposely and deliberately (that purpose usually being self-amusement) starts an argument in a manner which attacks others on a forum without in any way listening to the arguments proposed by his or her peers.' There are other less socially appropriate words that could be used for someone who is just being purposefully snarky and sarcastically problematic, but I think troll works just fine." 
My response: "Kathy, wrong. People use 'troll' for anyone who has an opinion that's different from their own. And it seems to be only folks on the right who use it. The same people who use non-words like 'libtard.' Also, I wasn't trying to start an argument. I was just offering a bit of humor while making a point. Those who argue with it are those who don't take it in the spirit it's offered, and only then has an argument started." 
Anita Bruce: "Nothing like a common classless thug like Michael Doherty to pass judgement on a lady who has never done him harm. What a puking bully you are. I hope all the hate you spew comes right back to you. Remember your own words when karma comes to school you, filthy troll." 
My response: "Anita Bruce, you spelled 'judgment' wrong. And also apparently you neglected to read the bit about 'troll,' you humorless hag." 
Emily Taylor: "Michael Doherty = MORON." 
My response: "Emily Taylor, wrong. But thanks for playing. Also, don't use all capital letters. It makes you seem desperate and insecure." 
My final response to these people, but specifically to Anita Bruce: "One last thing: I find it amusing how easily you folks get upset. And how quick you are to jump to conclusions. After all, for example, Anita, you have no idea if Melania Trump has done me harm. Perhaps she and I met once and she overcharged me."