Alternative Fact: August 21, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Not only has Mike Pence written several drafts of a speech accepting the burden of presidency and mourning the loss of Donald Trump, but he has also already purchased the coffin in which Donald Trump's bloated corpse will be carted through the streets of Washington, D.C. The coffin is being kept in a secret room on the second floor of the White House, an area that Trump never visits because of his intense fear of stairs.