Saturday, April 22, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 22, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Alien races have finally contacted Earth. It happened late last night after several alien civilizations caught wind of a supposed plan by NASA to send Donald Trump's bloated corpse into space. The message NASA received, signed by multiple alien races, reads, "We don't want that asshole out here."

Friday, April 21, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 21, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Sean Spicer confirmed that even though Alex Jones has now admitted to being a total fake, Donald Trump's bloated corpse still enjoys being propped up in front of the radio to listen his program.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 20, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Now that Donald Trump has been dead for a couple of days, Melania is, for the first time, seriously considering moving into the White House.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Alternative Fact: April 19, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Sean Spicer assured the nation that Donald Trump's hideous, bloated corpse is still in control of the country. "While it's true that yesterday Donald and Ivanka were killed by a carload of angry clowns, absolutely nothing has changed," Spicer said at a today's press conference. After a moment, he added, "The president may spend a little less time on Twitter."

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Trump Supporters Are Idiots, Round Six

Wow, the Trump supporters just won't stop proving themselves to be dingbats and shitheads.

I posted a link to my alternative fact on Donald's Facebook page, introducing it like this: Don't worry, folks. Donald Trump is dead. That's right: dead. You can read about it here...

And it contained a link to this alternative fact:

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Today my dream came true. A clown car pulled up onto the White House lawn, and fifteen angry clowns climbed out, a dozen of them carrying a long string of barbed wire, which they began wrapping around Donald and Ivanka, winding it tighter and tighter, the barbs tearing into their twisted flesh. While they did that, one of the other clowns played a lovely dirge on ukulele, while the remaining two clowns performed an elegant interpretive dance, not easy to do in those giant shoes. When the song and dance were finished, the other clowns unwound the barbed wire, and all of them got back into the car, leaving the hideous corpses of Donald and Ivanka in an eternal embrace on the lawn. A witness reports seeing a strangely satisfied smile on Donald's deceased face as the clown car drove off into the Washington, D.C. morning traffic.

A fascist calling himself Pal Max commented on my post...

Pal Max: Your post is most certainly a death threat against the POTUS. I am on the phone now reporting you.
My response: Pal Max, good for you, you little Nazi. You are the perfect citizen for the new fascist America. No sense of humor.
Joseph Soto: Pal Max So am I...
My response: Joseph Soto, while you're on hold, you might enjoy reading some of my other alternative facts, you moron: 
(And I included a link to my alternative facts.)

Unfortunately, it turns out Pal Max isn't even a real person. His Facebook page is completely empty. No friends, no posts, nothing. Joseph Soto, however, has lots of crazy shit on his page. Lots of anti-Obama and anti-Clinton stuff, as well as weird biblical quotes, posts from a group calling itself Conservative Patriots, and stuff like "Texans for Jesus." Yeah, you get the picture. He even has some nonsense against the Environmental Protection Agency. Joseph Soto is a real piece of work, that one. And, of course, he never followed up. That is, he never posted what response, if any, he got from... well, from whatever number he supposedly called. I hope he did call someone, and I hope whoever received his call enjoyed reading my alternative facts. By the way, a member of Joseph's family, Margie Soto, studied at a place called Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, which made me laugh out loud. I don't know if that's a real place or not, and I kind of don't want to know. I just want to remain amused.

Alternative Fact: April 18, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Today my dream came true. A clown car pulled up onto the White House lawn, and fifteen angry clowns climbed out, a dozen of them carrying a long string of barbed wire, which they began wrapping around Donald and Ivanka, winding it tighter and tighter, the barbs tearing into their twisted flesh. While they did that, one of the other clowns played a lovely dirge on ukulele, while the remaining two clowns performed an elegant interpretive dance, not easy to do in those giant shoes. When the song and dance were finished, the other clowns unwound the barbed wire, and all of them got back into the car, leaving the hideous corpses of Donald and Ivanka in an eternal embrace on the lawn. A witness reports seeing a strangely satisfied smile on Donald's deceased face as the clown car drove off into the Washington, D.C. morning traffic.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Fun With Trump Supporters: The Game Continues, April 17th

Those who support Donald Trump are scoundrels, cretins, and assholes. No question about it. But mostly they're just stupid beyond belief. And so the game continues. Here is a little fun I had today on Donald Trump's Facebook page.

Becky Brown  (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "Love you Mr. President. You are doing a phenomenal good job. !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My response: "Wow, Becky, adding those exclamation points after the period really makes you seem sincere."
(Becky is so bright that she actually liked my response.) 

Laurie Ann Pappas (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "I have stopped watching every news channel except Fox. I have lost all respect for the media and their fake slanted stories. They truly are pathetic! Shame on them all"
My response: "Laurie, Fox doesn't have a news channel. Not really. Are you one of those self-loathing women that actually respects abusive bastards like Donald Trump and Bill O'Reilly? You feel deep down that you deserve to be harassed and hurt, don't you? Well, maybe you do." 

Cristine Gritz (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "I am thankful every day that you are our President! The media is a joke and the intelligent Americans know it! Keep doing what you are doing and know that millions and millions of the silent and LEGAL majority are behind you all the way! You are amazing in everything you do and these snowflakes don't matter! They prefer corruption and deceit!! Heart U President Trump!"
My response: "Cristine Gritz, if you count yourself among those millions of silent people, then please remain silent. Keep your moronic comments to yourself. (And great name, by the way. I'll probably use it in something.)" 

Catherine Robert (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "Dear Mr. President. PLEASE, Never release your taxes! It's too much fun watching the Liberals make fools of themselves about them!"
My response: "Catherine is right! I'd rather watch people get legitimately angry than learn the truth about what foreign powers have financial sway over the leader of our country. Good for you, Catherine, for speaking up for those of us who enjoy the anger of others and don't care about the truth or treason or any of those sorts of things." 

Nancy Jo (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "Those of us with brains realize exactly what the media is doing. They are so obvious!"
My response: "Nancy Jo, you are right! It is so obvious what they're doing - filming what Donald says, taking notes, reporting on his words and deeds. We know what they're up to, what with their note-taking and their recording and their questions and their search for the truth. Those bastards are standing up for democracy. How dare they do that in this great new fascist America that Donald has created. And to be so obvious about it too!" 

Jose Alvarez (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "What's a big deal with the President Taxes. We have many more problems in our country that we should be worry about. Those protesters are not protest because President Trump Tax returns.They are protested because some body are instigating them."
My response: "Jose, your grasp on the English language is commendable. What I think you're saying is that Donald Trump has created a lot more problems, problems that can't be solved by merely looking at his tax returns and discovering what foreign powers have given him money. And that really it is Donald's entire presidency that should be protested."  

Reza Farnood (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "We the people stand by you until the end. I noticed that they try to be smart mouth and disrespect you, but we do not listen. No worries in our end sir"
My response: "Reza, the end will be soon, so then you can sit down and relax. Either way, go on not listening. And when you say you have no worries in your end, are you referring to your anus? Was there some trouble during your checkup?"

Alma Holstein (on Facebook, 4-17-17): "We have your back Mr. President you are right on course we voted you in and we respect you stay true to God and our country and keep moving forward !!!!"
My response: "And avoid using commas and periods at all cost. Commas and periods are the devil's punctuation! The only punctuation marks God-fearing Republicans are allowed to use are exclamation points!"