Friday, June 23, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Sean Spicer is excited about his life after the Trump regime. "I've decided to find a nice residential area and live among the well-trimmed hedges," he told reporters. He added that he thought he wouldn't encounter trouble from the residents, as he has perfected his hiding methods and believes he will not be detected.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump has been hard at work preparing short comments about both his resignation and his impeachment for Twitter. He is hoping that by being prepared, he'll be able to avoid those embarrassing misspellings and other errors that plague most of his posts.
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): The laboratory where an earlier mishap resulted in the creation of Betsy DeVos suffered another major setback last night when vandals broke in and damaged specimens of what were reputed to be intelligent Republicans, something new the government was developing.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump's lawyer has promised to be as honest as Donald himself, and so he issued a statement saying that Donald has never done anything wrong in his entire life and is not under investigation.
Monday, June 19, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump was pleased with the praise given to him by his cabinet members at the recent meeting. But after reviewing the footage multiple times, he realized each had basically said the same thing as the last, and so he has imposed a new rule for future cabinet meetings. Everyone will still be required to compliment and praise Trump, of course, but there can be no repeated compliments. Because of this new order, cabinet members have expressed an eagerness to arrive early in order to get a good position at the table so as to be able to go first.
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): According to several witnesses, when Ivanka wished Donald Trump a happy Father's Day this morning, he grabbed her roughly, said "Call me Daddy," and then revealed he's not her biological father. When asked about the encounter minutes later, Ivanka insisted she's Donald's biological daughter and that her inheritance is not in question.
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): At a press briefing, Donald Trump claimed that recent polls showing his low approval rating are false. "My approval rating is very high," he said. "The highest of anyone ever, after you subtract those three million people who were polled illegally."