Wednesday, December 13, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Although Roy Moore lost the election yesterday, Donald Trump said he will hold him to his promise of a party of blond thirteen-year-old girls, which Moore pledged in exchange for Trump's support. "I have the Secret Service busy making 'Ivanka' name tags for the girls," Donald told reporters.
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump, concerned that the networks are going to recast his role as president, or perhaps even cancel the presidency altogether, after poor ratings caused several sponsors to drop their support, is now working to produce a special holiday episode. "I promise that several of your favorite old cast members are going to appear in this one," he told the puppets at FOX News. "People like Sean Spicer and Reince Priebus and Anthony Scaramucci and Sebastian Gorka and Tom Price and Katie Walsh and Mike Dubke and Sally Yates and Michael Short. The list goes on and on. You're not going to want to miss this episode. It's going to be great."
Monday, December 11, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Last night Donald Trump was found once again wandering the halls of the White House in only his Nazi underwear, mumbling about journalists and wielding a cardboard sword hastily covered with aluminum foil. As is now standard operating procedure, White House security officials used tranquilizer darts to take him down. They used more than usual, however, and as a result Donald Trump will not be able to appear in public today.
Friday, December 8, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump endorsed Roy Moore after Moore promised to throw a special party for Trump in which all the guests would be thirteen-year-old blond girls wearing "Ivanka" name tags.
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump has stipulated that upon his death his possessions are to be buried with him, including his prostitute Melania, his lover Ivanka and his pet lizard Kellyanne.
Friday, November 3, 2017
Now, obviously his post is insulting. Donald Trump is a total asshole. But his post also contains a number of grammatical errors. Here are my responses to him:
- Did you mean to type, "Let's go, FBI & Justice Dept."? Or are you saying that Pocahontas let go of the FBI and the Justice Dept.?
- Also, Hillary Clinton isn't "legendary." She's an actual person that we are sure exists.
- Also, did you mean to type "led by" instead of "lead by"? Donald, you are a fucking moron, aren't you? So many mistakes in so short a post.
Monday, September 25, 2017
This is a photo from two or three weeks ago, when I was working on a splinter unit. Short day for me. And no, we weren't shooting on the train tracks. This was just the view from one of my lock-ups, near the stunt driver's starting mark.