Friday, March 31, 2017

Fun With Trump Supporters: The Game Just Won't End

While I do believe it's pointless to try to engage Trump supporters in intelligent conversation (they are incapable of it), I also believe we can have a bit of fun by responding to some of their nonsense. There is no harm in spending a small portion of one's day ridiculing these creatures. Just keep in mind that you will not change their minds. They have no minds to change. So do it solely for the enjoyment.

Sue Jurski (on Facebook, 3-14-17): "Hmm another woman in the cabinet of this 'woman hater' Thank you Mr President."
My response: "He doesn't hate women. He loves them. That is, he loves to grab them by the pussy. And he loves to spy on them while they're changing. And let's be clear. He doesn't just love women. He loves girls too. Young girls. Even ten-year-old girls he sees as potential future dates."
Suzanne Kuzbyt's response: "Michael D. you are creepy weird. I think you just described yourself! POS trailer trash gutter rat!"
My response: "Suzanne Kuzbyt, I guess you've forgotten the footage of him talking about a ten-year-old as a potential date. Also, the 14-year-olds he directly told he'd be dating soon. And maybe you forgot about his delightful pussy-grabbing speech in which he bragged about hitting on a married woman. Also, his creepy comments about his daughter. Don't worry, Suzanne, I will remind you of these things from time to time."
My second response: "Friends (yes, I'm including you, Suzanne), you may have also forgotten that his first wife accused him of rape, as did another woman more recently, a woman who only withdrew her accusation after receiving multiple death threats. So, yes, Donald Trump has a lot of respect for women. Keep telling yourselves that, and ignore all the information to the contrary." 

Dorothy Cain (on Facebook, 3-14-17): "I just wish that all the people in America could appreciate everything your administration are doing for us. Thank you President Trump."
My response: "Dorothy, I agree! Why can't all the people appreciate what Donald and his gang are doing? Don't they see he's doing it all for them? Destroying public education and undermining the EPA and golfing and lying and being rude to journalists and golfing and taking away our health care and golfing and trying to get people to buy his daughter's clothing line - this is all done for the people's benefit. Why can't they appreciate that?" 
Dorothy Cain: "Michael Doherty It is pathetic that you and the rest of the crazies are so mean spirited. You need to pay attention to your own lives and get a life. Have a nice day. Sad"
My response: "Dorothy Cain, wait, I should pay attention to my life and then get it? Shouldn't I get a life first, and then pay attention to it? And what exactly is mean-spirited about what I typed? Pointing out horrible things that Donald is doing is mean-spirited? So, you think he should just be able to do whatever he wants and not be criticized? Dorothy, you're a regular fascist, that's what you are." 

Cristi McCracken (on Facebook, 3-14-17): "We love you President Trump!!! They have to try and make you look bad because you make all of them look bad. We are behind you Mr President and very grateful for your enthusiasm and service!"
My response: "Cristi, you are right! The liberals are making Trump look bad. Why can't they quit quoting him and repeating the awful things he says? They're doing that just to make him look bad. And they should stop pointing out his lies. Don't they know that doing that makes him look bad? And stop pointing out that he tapes his neckties together. And don't photograph his hair in the wind. And stop photographing his utter lack of regard or affection for his wife. That also makes him look bad. Cristi, why can't they just stop making him look bad?" 

Jerica Wright-Trotter (on Facebook, 3-14-17): "So sad today! My husband and I just received an invitation to the Inauguration. Why it came in the mail almost a month late, we do not know:( We would have been there! Regardless, keep doing what you're doing President Trump. We could not be happier-2 Middle Class Americans!"
My response: "Jerica, you guys should still go! That way, Donald's estimate of how many people attended his inauguration will be slightly closer to accurate. Have a great time, you two!"
My second response: "Oh, and Jerica, you said 'almost a month late.' Do you believe the inauguration occurred in mid-February?

Melissa Diane Leonard (on Facebook, 3-16-17): "Dishonest Dems spreading lies that building was half full last night. No mention of the thousands turned away that waited hours in the cold to get in - they were told building @ capacity. #FAKENEWS #TennesseeLovesPotus"
My response: "People who chant 'USA! USA! USA!' are like dogs that have been trained to bark on command. Bad dog, no health care for you."
Daniel Duarte: "Michael Doherty Showing pride in your country is not a bad thing...sigh..."
My response to Daniel: "Daniel Duarte, it's not about pride, and you should know that. It's about salivating on command, it's about being the willing tools of an insane, narcissistic leader. There is no thought behind those chants."
Daniel Duarte: "Michael Doherty How is he insane? Lowering taxes, improving the economy, securing the border, promoting sovereignty, etc, is not insane. It's not salivating on command, they just want to show their enthusiasm for the country and for Trump, who is a representation of restoring American sovereignty, economic strength and independence, against the crony-corporate/globalist/totalitarian leftist establishment trying to implement a global regime. THEY (the globalist establishment) are what is insane."
My response: "Daniel Duarte, clearly you are a lost cause. Did you ever see any of the Invasion Of The Body Snatchers movies? None of those folks were ever able to regain their senses either. Trump supporters are no longer in control of their minds. Yet they keep typing bullshit on Facebook and Twitter."

Karen K. Dragovich (on Facebook, 3-16-17): "Snowflakes go away...The real people spoke at elections and President Trump is who we choose so get over it...Go away an cry your little eyes out. You democrats states your not hateful but you show hate each and everyday. Grow up! Trump is now our President! Don't like it then move to another ountry if they will have you."
My response: "Karen K Dragovich, please check your medication. You are speaking gibberish again. You're addressing the weather. Remember last spring when you kept talking to rain? Remember what the doctor told you? And you're trying to make distinctions again between real people and imagined people. That's good, except you're getting it all wrong. The voices in your head are not the real people. Karen, please, if you ever want to get better, you're going to have to stay on your medication. And what the hell is an ountry? Also, please learn the difference between 'you're' and 'your,' Karen."

Then I went to Karen's own Facebook page, and saw this post: "Who are you before and after drinking? I invite you to this test. Click here to generate your result now."
My comment: "Karen, remember, the doctor told you that you shouldn't be drinking, not with the medications that you're taking for your delusions." 

I had posted this on Donald Trump's Facebook page on March 16th after he held another rally so he could surround himself with his demented followers: "Who loves Donald more than Donald? No one. No one even comes close to loving Donald as much as Donald does. Donald is Donald's biggest, greatest fan. Donald holds Donald rallies. Donald answers questions about a variety of topics, but the answers are always about Donald, not about the subject asked. Because, really, what subject holds as much fascination for Donald as Donald? The Donald movement continues, brought to us all by Donald."
The message was to Donald, but one of his pet lunatics responded. 
JeanAnn Perry: "And you're jealous Do Do bird. What are to leave our country and go over where the muslums are so you can join their cult and blow yourself up"
My response: "Uh-oh, JeanAnn Perry has escaped from her cage again. Someone want to help me get her back in there before she hurts herself?"

Bob Garner (on Facebook, 3-17-17): "More AWESOME news from the President. THANK YOU.........Confidence in the USA went through the roof on election night and has continued to sky rocket since. We have hope again, not DESPAIR which the last 8 LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG years brought us. THANK GOD....."
My response: "Bob, you are so right! And like Donald says, the elderly have already eaten enough. They don't need any more meals. Let's keep winning (except, of course, those elderly folks... and students... and Muslims... and women... and artists... and transgender people)."

Elaine Campbell (on Facebook, 3-17-17): "Disregard the tiny little poor losers, Trump!!! .....their whining is sooooo pathetic!!!! Keep up the good work and continue to keep the promises you made to those who REALLY care about this country and where it is headed!!!"
My response: "I agree, Elaine! Trump should ignore the tiny and the poor. And he should keep all his promises, like showing us his tax returns and not playing golf."

Stephen Weipert (on Facebook, 3-18-17): "Keep going! The snowflakes, most of whom dont work yell, scream and cry. But those of us who work 40+ hours a week, take care of our families are silent but behind you."
My response: "Good for you, Stephen! If you've managed to silently get behind him, you could probably quickly dispatch the bastard and make an escape. Good luck!"

Barry Olken (on Ivanka Trump's Facebook page, 3-17-17): "The reason I personally admire your Dad is because he is making the unpopular choices that are needed to secure my grandchild's future....God Bless you and your family"
My response: "Barry, if your grandchild is a girl, then Donald will probably try to date her at some point, and then her future will certainly be secure."
Al Collier: "Michael Doherty, what low down, uncalled for statement. You should be investigated"
My response to Al: "Al Collier, spoken like a true fascist. Good for you, you little Nazi."

I posted this on Donald Trump's Facebook page, but it is directed at his supporters: "If you support Donald Trump, you are an enemy of democracy. You are an enemy of the environment. You are an enemy of education. You are an enemy of women. You are an enemy of transgender people. You are an enemy of the poor. You are an enemy of the elderly. You are an enemy of public television. You are an enemy of the arts. If you support Donald Trump, you are a racist and a fascist. There is no way around it. So quit your bullshit and own up to the fact that you are all horrible people. Just admit it. Be proud of it, because you are unlikely to change, because you seem immune to facts. You ignore any information that is contrary to your belief in Donald Trump. One more thing.... unless you are a millionaire, Donald Trump will end up screwing you before too long. So you are your own enemy as well."

Victoria Price (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "KY. loves, Donald Trump, you, just keep doing, what you do best, leading the way to make America great again. Please, remember, we like you, the way you are. I didn't vote for a politician in a suit, that says what you want to hear, and does nothing after they are voted in. Donald Trump, you are the kind of man, that says what he means, and does what he says, that is why, I voted for you."
My response: "Victoria, you are out of your mind. You like him the way he is? You like being grabbed by the pussy, do you, Victoria? You like being lied to? You like having your health care taken away? You like your environment being ruined? Victoria, you probably should look inward a bit, take some time, discover where you went wrong. It's not too late, Victoria. You can still turn things around."
My second response: "Victoria, most Trump fans love exclamation points. You stick out because you love commas. Look at them all, so many unnecessary commas."

Cyndi Goodrich (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "You were born for such a time as this. GOD has anointed you and appointed you. Stay humble before HIM and there's not a devil in Hell big enough to stop you from fulfilling what HE'S ordained you to do!"
(As you might guess, a lot of people responded to this lunacy from Cyndi.) 
My response: "Friends, stop teasing Cyndi. She's having a tough time fighting her way through some serious illusions. And her medication is having adverse effects on her appearance as well. Also, she just learned from her doctor that the cloud formations above her shack have not been sending her the correct lottery numbers, and she thinks her favorite television characters are angry with her. So these nutty outbursts are kind of understandable." 
Then I went to Cyndi's Facebook page and posted this: "Cyndi, God told me to contact you. He wants you to stop supporting Donald Trump. God told me that Donald Trump is actually a tool of the devil, and all of his supporters have an eternity of damnation to look forward to. Repent, Cyndi! Repent now!"
I think there is a good chance she'll believe me.

Judy Carolyn Adams (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "Haters will hate.. I am 100% Trump fan. He is MY president and will till the end of his time.... Not everything can be controlled but so far he is doing a great job...."
My response: "Judy, what is it you love about him? His respect for women? His love for the environment? His understanding of government? His smooth diplomatic skills? His impeccable spelling? His honesty? His care toward education?"  
Miranda Mitchell (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "We love you Donald Trump. Hold your head high. Do not let the racists bother you. I just seen something that made me very sad on here. Thank you for saving this country from Radical Islam. You know if anymore come on this soil there will be a war. The little man will fight. We see Europe."
My response: "Miranda, the racists don't bother Donald. They voted for him. They're the ones supporting him. So you have nothing to worry about, Miranda. And I hope you're right about the midgets fighting. I think that will entertain a lot of people and lift our spirits." 

Farruh Standridge (on Facebook, 3-20-17): "I wake up everyday knowing Hillary lost and lost badly, and that my friend brings a smile to my face! Happy Monday Mr President. Are we done deporting these illegals outta here yet? If not, keep deporting them!"
My response: "Farruh, every day your friend delivers a smile to your face? Is the delivery the same time each day, or does your friend try to surprise you? Does your friend deliver smiles to others too? There are a lot of people who could use a smile. For example, those who will lose their health care. Also, women. Also, transgender folks. Also, the elderly. I think it's wonderful that your friend brings a smile to your face, and I hope he or she expands that service." 

Wannetta Collins (on Facebook, 3-24-17): "Look at all the communist trolls on here WE THE PEOPLE support Trump the Marxist democrats hate America they can"t even support our Troops"
My response: "Wannetta, without proper punctuation, your comment could mean a lot of things. For example, are you saying Trump is a Marxist? It sounds like it. You should probably take some kind of English class." 

Diane Johnson (on Facebook, 3-24-17): "Donald Trump is truly the people's president. Instead of hosting entertainers and sports figures as was done by the previous.... President Trump hosts real Americans. Today was no exception as he honored these wonderful, courageous hero's."
My response: "Diane Johnson, Donald Trump desperately wants to host famous entertainers. But those folks want absolutely nothing to do with this asshole. Also, why did you put an apostrophe in 'heroes'?" 

On March 29th, I posted my daily alternative fact on Melania Trump's Facebook page: "Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Melania Trump is in love with Donald and swears she misses him every moment they are apart. Furthermore, she denies accusations that she is still a prostitute and that Donald is simply her biggest client. 'That's absurd,' she says. 'At this point, he wouldn't be able to afford me anyway.'"
I wasn't trying to engage anyone, but some people responded anyway.
Catherine Carrasco: "Trashy people talk trash."
(Interestingly, she also liked my comment.)
My response: "Catherine Carrasco, do funny people talk fun? Do silly people talk sill? Do skinny people talk skin?"
Catherine Carrasco: "Michael Where not Elementary"
My response: "Catherine Carrasco, 'Where not Elementary'? What does that mean?"
Catherine Carrasco: "if you have any sense of class about you you will not talk about other people like that that's God's job to condemn not yours"  
Kathy Columbo: "Freedom of speech used to defame a person's character, is not freedom. Instead, it is taking one's liberties and abusing them."   
My response: "Kathy Colombo, I like to abuse my liberties at least a few times a week. You know, whenever I'm lonely."
Sandy Bratcher Osborne: "You will always be lonely because you have a ugly ugly heart and aren't very bright. Also your rude sarcasm isn't very good.
My response: "Sandy Bratcher Osborne, I love that you included a grammatical error in the sentence where you accused someone else of not being bright. You're funny, Sandy." 
Kathy Columbo: "Michael Doherty Good for you. Looks like your trolling got you the attention you sought." 
My response: "Kathy Colombo, I call an end to the use of the word 'troll' online, unless, of course, you're talking about Dungeons & Dragons or Lord Of The Rings." 
Kathy Columbo: " Michael Doherty Well, I guess you can't control the narrative because you are what you are - Sorry, trolls are not just for D&D, LOTR, Harry Potter, or children's fairy tales - you are now one too. 'One who purposely and deliberately (that purpose usually being self-amusement) starts an argument in a manner which attacks others on a forum without in any way listening to the arguments proposed by his or her peers.' There are other less socially appropriate words that could be used for someone who is just being purposefully snarky and sarcastically problematic, but I think troll works just fine." 
My response: "Kathy, wrong. People use 'troll' for anyone who has an opinion that's different from their own. And it seems to be only folks on the right who use it. The same people who use non-words like 'libtard.' Also, I wasn't trying to start an argument. I was just offering a bit of humor while making a point. Those who argue with it are those who don't take it in the spirit it's offered, and only then has an argument started." 
Anita Bruce: "Nothing like a common classless thug like Michael Doherty to pass judgement on a lady who has never done him harm. What a puking bully you are. I hope all the hate you spew comes right back to you. Remember your own words when karma comes to school you, filthy troll." 
My response: "Anita Bruce, you spelled 'judgment' wrong. And also apparently you neglected to read the bit about 'troll,' you humorless hag." 
Emily Taylor: "Michael Doherty = MORON." 
My response: "Emily Taylor, wrong. But thanks for playing. Also, don't use all capital letters. It makes you seem desperate and insecure." 
My final response to these people, but specifically to Anita Bruce: "One last thing: I find it amusing how easily you folks get upset. And how quick you are to jump to conclusions. After all, for example, Anita, you have no idea if Melania Trump has done me harm. Perhaps she and I met once and she overcharged me."

Alternative Fact: March 31, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): The people who work in U.S. Immigration And Customs Enforcement are among the most thoughtful, kind and conscientious people in the country, and they take great care of those they have in custody.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Photo From Work

This photo was taken Tuesday night in Anaheim. I'd never seen a library book vending machine before. Is this the entire Anaheim Public Library? The selection isn't all that great, and using the computer system requires you to kneel on the floor.

Alternative Fact: March 30, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Kellyanne Conway obtains nourishment from a wide variety of sources, not just mice and insects.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 29, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Melania Trump is in love with Donald and swears she misses him every moment they are apart. Furthermore, she denies accusations that she is still a prostitute and that Donald is simply her biggest client. "That's absurd," she says. "At this point, he wouldn't be able to afford me anyway."

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 28, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): If a Trump supporter bites you, there is still a slight chance you won't become a Trump supporter yourself. But you have to act quickly! Tear away the infected area before the stupidity can spread to your brain. And remember: only a direct hit to the head will take down a Trump supporter. Otherwise they will keep going to Make America Great Again rallies and typing poorly constructed sentences on social media sites and chanting "USA, USA" and making a nuisance of themselves.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 27, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Not everyone who voted for Trump is a racist shithead.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 26, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump accepts defeat graciously.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 25, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump is sorry for all the trouble he's caused and hereby promises to be a good boy from now on.

Friday, March 24, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 24, 2017

Here is today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump is not a pedophile and is not friends with any pedophiles such as Jeffrey Epstein. And he most certainly did not rape a thirteen-year-old girl at one of Jeffrey Epstein's parties. And Donald was only joking in that video when he referred to a ten-year-old as a potential future date, and again when he told two fourteen-year-old girls that he'd be dating them soon.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 23, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): We don't need education, health care or the environment, just so long as Trump Tower is safe. Soon we'll all be living in there.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 22, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump continues to hold rallies for important political reasons, not because of his desperate need for adoration.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 21, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Betsy DeVos promised to stop commenting on education and all other topics she knows absolutely nothing about. Her closest friends tell reporters that she has essentially taken a vow of silence.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 20, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Tourism is on the rise here in the United States. People all over the world are excited to see for themselves just how Donald has made America great again.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 19, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): There is no one who respects women more than Donald Trump does.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 18, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): On the golf course this morning, Donald Trump and his staff were attacked by rabid, angry gophers. There were no survivors. Even the gophers died, succumbing to food poisoning after feasting on Donald Trump's grotesque head.

Friday, March 17, 2017

Donald Trump Drinking Game

Hurrah, it's St. Patrick's Day! Time to drink! As if we all haven't been drinking heavily ever since the election. I've had more alcohol in the few months since Donald "Grab 'Em By The Pussy" Trump was sort of elected than I drank in the entire decade of my twenties. (Slight exaggeration, perhaps. But only slight.) If you've somehow managed to stay sober (but for fuck's sake, why?), then perhaps you'll use this wonderful holiday to catch up. Here is a quick way to do it.

Take a shot (or a sip) every time any of the following occurs:
  • Donald says "great" (take two shots if he says "Make America great again," a slogan which by now everyone should know he stole from Ronald Reagan's campaign)
  • Donald lies (actually, this one thing will be enough to get you completely plastered)
  • Donald claims to be the least racist person, or the person most respectful of women, or anything like that (which of course is also a lie, so drink twice)
  • Donald says something racist
  • Donald or any member of his fascist regime says "Fake news"
  • Donald quotes a news source that says something complimentary or flattering about him (take two shots if it's a ridiculous source like Breitbart News or Alex Jones)
  • Donald takes credit for something that has absolutely nothing to do with him
  • Donald criticizes Barack Obama
  • Donald criticizes Hillary Clinton
  • Donald criticizes CNN
  • Donald criticizes Saturday Night Live 
  • Donald criticizes Arnold Schwarzenegger, or mentions The Apprentice
  • Donald claims that The New York Times is failing
  • Donald is rude to a journalist
  • Donald mentions again that he won the election
  • Donald Trump claims he has no ties with Russia
  • More evidence of Donald's ties with Russia is revealed
  • Donald misspells a word on Twitter or Facebook (take two shots if it's a simple word like "tap") 
  • Donald compliments Ivanka (take two shots if the compliment is creepy, like about how she's a hot piece of ass) 
  • Donald mentions one of his rallies (take two shots if he actually holds another rally)
  • Donald or any member of his regime completely fabricates a story, such as the Bowling Green Massacre 
  • Donald cuts or promises to cut spending on something that you personally feel is necessary, like the EPA 
  • Donald goes golfing
And drink if you see footage of him wearing an incredibly long red tie. Drink again if you can see that the tie is taped together in the back. Also, drink any time you wonder just where the hell Melania is. Drink any time you wonder where his tax returns are. Drink any time you wonder if you'll have health insurance.

Please be careful. Playing this game for more than one hour could result in alcohol poisoning. And if you play for the entire day, it will likely result in your death. (Trump supporters, please ignore these warnings.)

Alternative Fact: March 17, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Grizzlies attacked another school, but Betsy DeVos was able to subdue them with the school's special anti-bear gun.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 16, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): The new Nazi America is even better than the old Democratic America. Let's keep winning!

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 15, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Trump supporters are able to think for themselves.

Kitchen Appliance Update

Okay, I got my microwave to take photos, but I'm having trouble getting my refrigerator to develop them. And Kellyanne Conway isn't responding to my queries.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 14, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Microwaves can become cameras, blenders can become hearing aids, and tangerines can become presidents.

Monday, March 13, 2017

More Kind Words To Donald Trump And His Team Of Fascists

I want to stop. I really do. I want to stop responding to Donald Trump. But really what I want is for Donald to stop giving me things to respond to. I wish Donald and his entire fascist regime would remove themselves from the planet, and let us get back to work. But for now, well, fuck it, here are some messages I sent to these assholes.

To Donald:
  • How is your golf game, you fucking hypocrite? Remember how you promised you'd be too busy as president to play golf? Remember how you criticized Obama for playing golf and taking vacations? How many times have you played golf so far? Six? And how many vacations? Your vacations have cost taxpayers as much in one month as Obama's did in a year. I feel like even your breathing is a lie.  (on Facebook, 2-28-17) 
  • Will you talk about the connections between the attacks on Sweden and the Bowling Green Massacre?  (on Twitter, 2-28-17, in response to this post by Donald: "I will be interviewed on @foxandfriends at 6:00 A.M. Enjoy!")
  • Will you lie again about not having placed any phone calls to Russia in a decade?  (on Twitter, 2-28-17, in response to the same post)
  • Will you continue your fascist, anti-American rants against the press?  (on Twitter, 2-28-17, in response to the same post)
  • You know what would be great - if you just broke down and admitted you had no fucking idea what you're doing  (on Twitter, 2-28-17, in response to the same post)  
  • Your lies and nonsense inspire me, Donald. I have been telling the truth for too long. I am going to follow your lead and lie with every goddamn breath I take. Big lies, little lies. Doesn't matter the subject, doesn't matter my audience. Everyone gets lied to about everything. Even when I'm caught in a lie, I'll just keep repeating it. And what I'll do in that case is exactly what you do - accuse the person that caught me in the lie of... yes... lying. Brilliant. You really are an inspiration, Donald. It will be nothing but lies from now on. Just like the goddamn president of the United States.  (on Facebook, 3-1-17)
  • And don't forget to believe in Donald Trump. Because if you don't believe in him, he'll lose his wings and disappear, and that would be so sad. That's why he's constantly begging people, "Believe me, believe me." You have to believe, people, or Donald's magic will wear off and we'll see Reality. And Reality is ugly and evil and gross and wears tacky suits. No one wants that. So for fuck's sake, people, don't stop believing in Donald Trump. (on Facebook, 3-1-17, in response to this post by the so-called president: "Believe in yourselves. Believe in your future. And believe, once more, in AMERICA.")   
  • Would it be too much to ask for a president who knows how to spell "hereby"? (on Facebook, 3-3-17, in response to this post by the idiot: "I hearby demand a second investigation, after Schumer, of Pelosi for her close ties to Russia, and lying about it.")
  • We do need to improve education. First way of doing that: toss Betsy DeVos into the trash. Second way of doing that: get a president who knows how to spell "hereby."  (on Facebook, 3-3-17, in response to this post by the asshole: "We must fix our education system for our kids to Make America Great Again. Wonderful day at Saint Andrew in Orlando.")
  • It's great to have a president who cares about a stupid show's ratings.  (on Twitter, 3-4-17, in response to this post by the so-called president: "Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't voluntarily leaving the Apprentice, he was fired by his bad (pathetic) ratings, not by me. Sad end to great show")
  • "Tapp"? That extra P is for emphasis, right? (on Twitter, 3-4-17, in response to this insanity: "How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!") 
  • Look, everyone is worried. Everyone is angry. Everyone is depressed. Everyone, I mean, who has even the tiniest amount of intelligence. And so we argue. We get mad at each other. We're all going to make ourselves sick, and then we won't be able to see a doctor because the Republicans are going to get rid of The Affordable Health Care Act. So everything is a mess, and every day it's worse. So what can we do? It feels like things aren't going to be okay until Donald Trump and his entire fascist team are expelled from the nation. So how do we start that process? It's important so that we can all start to calm down and focus on our lives and be kind to each other again. Donald, if you see this, please do the right thing and gather your gang together, get on a space shuttle and go to the moon, or even farther. Try your ideas out there. If they work, then in a decade or so, come back and tell us about it.  (on Facebook, 3-5-17)
  • Donald, once again, you fucking moron, Breitbart is not actually news. It is not a source of information.  (on Twitter, 3-5-17) 
  • Acclaimed speech? You never get tired of patting your own back, do you? Has there ever been a bigger narcissist? I am disgusted by you, Donald. I can't wait until you and your entire horror show are canceled. Whatever the mid-season replacement is, it will certainly be a lot better than this.  (on Facebook, 3-6-17, in response to this bullshit from Donald: "Last week was big. Following an acclaimed speech to a Joint Session of Congress, President Donald J. Trump signed two bills that promote women in the STEM fields in addition to an Executive Order to end unnecessary regulatory burdens on everyday Americans, and met with health insurance companies to find an Obamacare solution. We look forward to the week ahead! Sign-up to join our movement.") 
  • Those girls seem too old for you, Donald. But did you grab them by the pussy anyway?  (on Twitter, 3-13-17, in response to this post by the so-called president: "Honored to meet this years @SenateYouth delegates w/ @VP Pence in the East Room of the @WhiteHouse. Congratulations!")
  • You are so full of shit, Donald. Just as an exercise, try to go one day without telling a lie. Consider it a challenge. (on Twitter, 3-13-17, in response to this post by the fake president: "Despite what you hear in the press, healthcare is coming along great. We are talking to many groups and it will end in a beautiful picture!")
To Kellyanne "Bowling Green Massacre" Conway:
  • Please settle an argument a friend and I are having: how many eggs can you lay at a time? My friend says a dozen. I think 3.  (on Twitter, 3-5-17)
  • Are these the 14-year-olds that Donald Trump said he'd be dating soon?  (on Twitter, in response to this post from Lizard Woman: "Human Trafficking a serious crime of our time. Looking the other way hurts young girls like 14-yr old 'MB', forced into over 1K sex acts.")
To Sean "Fascist Spice" Spicer:
  • Bullshit! Donald will keep posting messages on Twitter and Facebook until he finally drops dead. Commenting is his favorite thing. (on Twitter, 3-5-17, in response to this post by Spicy: "Neither the White House nor the President will comment further until such oversight is conducted.")
  • You are full of shit. Admit that you and Donald were lying about the wiretap, and then vacate the White House, you cretins.  (on Twitter, 3-13-17)
To Ben Carson:
  • Ben, have you ever been a sex immigrant to a cruel mistress?  (on Twitter, 3-6-17, after Ben Carson called slaves "immigrants")
To Roger Stone
  • Roger, I'd rather see you attacked by a pack of rabid wolves. They'll get the job done.  (on Twitter, 3-5-17, in response to this post by that asshole: "Anytime you are attacked by nut job @KeithOlbermann , talentless load @Rosie and hypocrite @jk_rowling you must be doing something right")
  • Roger, you should not use the word "honor" ever. Not ever.  (on Twitter, 3-5-17, in response to this post by shithead Roger: "Badge of honor being attacked loud mouth shit-for-brains loser @Rosie #ignorant #obnocious #a-hole")
And to Pastor Greg Locke (yeah, I know he's not part of Trump's regime, but he's such an asshole that he would fit right in):
  • Your Twitter profile says "Lover of broken people." That's kind of an unusual fetish, isn't it?  (on Twitter, 3-1-17)
  • You must have some really excellent restaurants in your area, Greg.  (on Twitter, 3-4-17, in response to this post by the nitwit: "If I go to a steak dinner and only get served cool-whip, I'm done. Get in a church that preaches the MEAT of the Word.")

Alternative Fact: March 13, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 12, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): The Trump businesses are in no way benefiting from Donald holding office.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 11, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump is capable of human emotions just like a real live boy.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 10, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Sean Spicer is on edge until he gets his hormone levels correct, leading up to his gender reassignment surgery. That's right, friends, Sean Spicer is becoming a man.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 9, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): All of Steve Bannon's marriages have been successful. Same goes for all of Donald Trump's marriages.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Alternative Fact: March 8, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump inspires the youth of our nation to always tell the truth, and to take responsibility for their actions.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Fun With Trump Supporters: The Game Continues

Well, friends, though it is a terrifying horror show out there, there are things you can do to enjoy yourselves. I personally enjoy having a little fun with the Trump supporters, by responding to their insane, poorly worded comments on the social media sites. The trick is to sound supportive rather than angry with them. It confuses them, sometimes to the point where the very person I am ridiculing will like my comment. Plus, it's a whole lot of fun. Here are a few examples.

Christina Reimer Chereson (on Facebook, 2-28-17): "So utterly disgusting that the dems couldn't even wait for Donald to get the last word out of his mouth in his closing as they were leaving down the isle! HELLO DEMS! The American people watched it all and WILL remember this in 2018 and 2020! Horrifically UNAMERICAN!"
My response: "Christina, they left down an isle? There was an island there? Good eye, Christina! I didn't see the island. Was it Gilligan's isle?"

Caralluzzi Gary (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "the angry and never happy liberals will always try to bully you unless you agree with them.. they hate white southerners. freedom. the Constitution. guns. unborn babies. God. America, the Military, Trump, and Christians. and they will always defend our enemies.. and I do mean always. and then they wonder why most people dislike liberals. they are the most ignorant hateful angry spineless hypocrites that ever walked planet earth."
My response: "Caralluzzi Gary, I couldn't agree more! The liberals are just unhappy. You are right: we should focus on making them happy. What do you suggest? Maybe baking some cakes? Or taking them out dancing? That might be fun. Or perhaps if Donald told the truth occasionally, that might make them happy. I think we should try everything to make them happy. Great idea, Gary!
(By the way, Caralluzzi Gary liked my response, which is hilarious.) 

Sharon Kufis (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "President Trump please continue to do what your doing to make America great again! My Democratic friends are openly expressing their frustration with their own Party and leaving left and right! Thank you and please fight for Jeff Sessions he is a good man too!!"
My response: "I agree, Sharon! Jeff Sessions is a good man. So what if he's racist? He probably has good cause. And I heard that he opposes gay marriage only because he has a lot of gay friends and just really hates going to weddings. Who doesn't? They're awful and boring, and often you have to pay for your drinks. What's up with that? Cheap Democrats making us pay for our drinks. No wonder why they're leaving the party left and right!" 

Benjie Palomar (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "trump is working everyday while libs finds russian stuff everyday ! early in the game but we know where their minds are right now!"
My response: "Exactly, Benjie! All those liberals think about is the criminal activity of Trump and his friends. Why can't they get their minds on happier things? Like.... Well, I can't think of anything at the moment, but you know what I mean, Benjie!"
(Note: apparently Benjie does know what I mean, for he liked my comment. That pleases me tremendously.)

Sher Weisman (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "President Trump,
Don't permit the Democrats and Senator Schumer smear AG Jeff Sessions. They will then go after every person in your Administration. It is really despicable. Instead of working for America they are doing everything they can to bring you down. Past President Obama, Soros, and others are doing this. Continue President Trump with enforcing America's laws to keep us safe. We are behind you.
Thank you and God bless you!"

My response: "I agree, Sher! If they go after Sessions just because he lied under oath, where will it stop? They'll have to go after everyone in the Trump administration who lied, and like you said, that's all of them! Then where would we be? There would be government at all, no fun alternative facts. Who would keep us safe? God bless you, Sher!"

Deborah Moshier (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "Stay the course President Trump
They will try to wear you down
I have a feeling they are starting with the wrong President
God Bless you and stay safe
We the people are on your side You I know are on ours"

My response: "Deborah, you are right! You said Donald is the wrong president, and I think you're on to something. They've elected the wrong person. I hope someone is looking into this, because this could save the country a lot of trouble. If he's the wrong president, and we simply get the right president in there, then we can all get along again!"

Mick Johnson  (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "You need to keep your promise about the illegal's send all of them home and the Dreamers are kids are loseing out on college because of them . No more welfare for the dam illegals !"
My response: "Well said, Mick Johnson! And I think you're onto something with your comment about the illegal dams. I bet that's why there is all that commotion about dams bursting. They're illegal! Send those dams back to Mexico! Then the Dreamers can go back to college! God bless you, Mick Johnson."

Jan Wiseman  (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "I love that you support the military! Keeping peace through strength is a smart move. Our enemies don't respect weakness. Obama depleted and gutted our military. Thank you President Trump for rebuilding it."
My response: "I agree, Jan! The more nuclear weapons we have, the more peace we'll have! I read somewhere that for every nuclear weapon we make, we get 2% more peaceful. But those liberals don't want to hear about those figures. Our enemies respect us more and more, with every weapon we stockpile, with every delightful speech that Donald gives. Let's keep winning!" 

Classa Myers  (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "I agree and I am disgusted ..Jeff Sessions did NOTHING WRONG ..I'm done with the Democrats!! I'm done with Chuck S And Nancy P and what they did to the widow and things they said after ..The Democrats are done ..they showed 43 million people on tv their white diaper dresses they no longer have the mentality to hold office ..remember Republicans Conservatives Independents day vote ALL of the democrats out"
My response: "Classa Myers, I agree! Jeff Sessions did nothing wrong! I mean, since when did it become a crime to lie under oath? The Democrats are just upset because their white diaper dresses aren't catching on in New York or Paris. And like you said, people in white dresses can't think clearly enough to hold office. I didn't know about that rule, but I am so glad you pointed it out. Bless you, Classa!"

Sandra Graham (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "Just saw an article on Face Book where Kellyanne was taking pictures in the Oval Office. A nasty remark was made by Democrat Cedric Richmond about Kellyanne kneeling on the couch in the Oval Office. It was uncalled for. I call for Cedric Richmond to step down. This was a slap at all women. This man should never be allowed in the Oval Office again. He should resign. How about all women demanding his resignation?"
My response: "Sandra, I agree! Slapping Kellyanne Conway is like slapping all women who like to take photos while crouching on a couch in the Oval Office. Women who like to take photos everywhere they go need to stand by Kellyanne! Otherwise, when will the terror end?"

Carolene Gooding (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "I think your Oval office is bugged.There all a bunch of snakes. Lord verses Devil.There all on the Devil side. Please keep going and clean up the mess.There out to destroy you but the Lord want let them.He has your back."
My response: "Carolene, I agree! The Lord wants to let the snakes destroy Donald! We need to find this Lord and his pet snakes and put a stop to this, before they attack him from behind, just as you say they will. Bless you, Carolene!" 

Jim Macdonald (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "Stay with us President Trump. This is the most ridiculous FAKE NEWS I have ever seen. We little people out here are with you and with Jeff Sessions. The Democrat Party lost me 40 years ago, and the MSM lost me 30 years ago. These people are sick and the WON'T win no matter what stunt they do."
My response: "Well said, Jim! Sometimes Donald doesn't know how many midgets support him because he doesn't look down very often. And the liberals' claim that midgets hate Donald is fake news, just like you say. Those people are sick, but don't worry, because soon they won't be able to get any medication after Donald takes away everyone's health care. And then they won't feel good enough to perform any stunts, and maybe they'll have the decency to hire some midgets like you, and you know everyone likes watching little people perform stunts! Bless you, Jim!"

Greg DeRush (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "Your 100% correct!! The stupid leftists are so desperate to come up with all this false narrative. They should be held accountable for these false accusations!! Your doing a great job President Trump!!"
My response: "Greg, darling, if you're going to call others stupid, be sure you don't confuse "you're" and "your." It kind of takes away any power your message might have had. But don't worry - your fellow Trump fans certainly didn't notice the error. Oh, pardon me, I meant errors. You did it twice."

Sherrie Dale (on Facebook, 3-2-17): "I'm from the Great State of Alabama where Jeff Sessions was our Senator. He did an AWESOME job then and he will do a GREAT job now. He is an Honest man and he exercises in a lawful way. Democrats need to stop trying to make up stuff to make them look good. THEY LOST!!"
My response: "Sherrie, I agree! Just because someone lies under oath doesn't necessarily make him dishonest! Also, we don't know if maybe some of his medications are having an adverse effect on his mental state, and confused him enough that he couldn't help but lie. Or maybe the media made him lie! We should look into that. But you're right, there is nothing illegal about the way he exercises. Even those strange squat thrusts he's so fond of seem perfectly in line with the law, so far as I can tell. So just leave him alone and let him exercise."

Robert Funk (on Facebook, 3-4-17): "President Trump, you are the most positive force in the United States. The American people want you for eight years.............and more."
My response: "Robert, absolutely! There is nothing as positive as accusing a former president of wire-tapping without a shred of evidence. There is nothing as positive as destroying the public education system. There is nothing as positive as attacking immigrants and minorities. There is nothing as positive as making transgender students feel less welcome at their schools. There is nothing as positive as bragging about abusing women."

Debbie Collins Newsome (on Facebook, 3-4-17): "He talks Directly to the people, He cannot trust the Media , and neither can we, I say keep the tweets coming. He is very Presidential , you just don't remember what a good president is irt has been so long, Some of you grew up with Obama and it is all you know. He is hampered in every way, but keeps working and has accomplished so much. I listen to the source not the so called news."
My response: "Good for you, Debbie! You bought right into the lies. Your response is exactly what the Trump regime wants. Way to step right in line there, Debbie! You're a good little Nazi, you get a lollipop." 
Cecilia Lopez Perrette responds: "Michael Doherty ...calling someone a Natzi.....Grow up and stop looking for comments of facebook to be able to attack people with your opinions. Learn how to get your opinion across without spewing your hate With words like Natzi and being condescending." 
My response: "Cecilia Lopez Perrette, learn how to spell and then we can talk." 
Katia K. Karam responds: "Michael Doherty that what is bothering spelling, i did not bother you to Elect Obacrap and NON American..." 
My response: "Katia K. Karam, wow, I can't make heads or tails of your gibberish. Anyone else care to offer thoughts on what Katia is rambling about?" 
My second response: "Katia K. Karam, oh wait, are you just a joke? KKK? That's pretty funny, I suppose. I didn't get that your absolute nonsense was just a put-on. I'll blame the alcohol." 
Lori Burton-Barnes responds: " 'Bought into lies'?? I think you have the wrong President. 62,000,000+ people don't make mistakes. TRUMP"
My response: "Lori Burton-Barnes, yes, bought into the lies. Have you ever heard Donald Trump speak? He can't stop lying. Everything he says is complete bullshit. And his entire regime gets in on the act. I mean, hell, Spicer couldn't even tell the truth about whether Donald had ever worn a bathrobe. Insane!"
My second response: "Lori Burton-Barnes, also, a lot of people making the same mistake doesn't keep it from being a mistake. That is some bizarre right-wing logic you use there. Good luck to you when you return to Earth."

Janie Anderson (on Facebook, 3-5-17): "Now is the time for you people to respect Our President Donald Trump stand behind him why would anyone want him to not do good.Im pround I voted for him"
My response: "Janie, while you were out, we invented this thing called punctuation. Look into it. It will be helpful to you, I promise."

Dorie Livengood Borden (on Facebook, 3-5-17): "You will go down in history as the best president since Lincoln. The Radical Left is acting like junkyard dogs cause they don''t want the swamp drained!"
My response: "If anyone sees Dorie, please contact the authorities. Her doctor says she isn't necessarily dangerous, but she is delusional. Apparently, she's been neglecting to take her medication since early November."

Karla Brauer Emerson Petermann (on Facebook, 3-6-17): "We are with you President Trump! Do not feel weary and alone! The majority of the nation is with you! And we will NEVER give up on you! God stands with all of us and is always and ever with you also! Blessings upon you and your family and staff!"
My response: "Karla, I just checked with God, and he is seriously pissed that you lied about him standing with you. He says he wants nothing to do with you, and that you should stop calling him and leaving him messages on his machine and on Facebook. He says: 'Why can't Karla take a hint? I've never responded to her messages.'"

Ed Palmer (on Facebook, 3-6-17): "One man who keeps his promises becomes the arch enemy of those who won't. His arch enemies are ours! We fought to get him there, we will fight to keep him there. Go Mr. President!!"
Then Miranda McCarroll's response: "With that said Ed. President Trump for eight years!! He isn't going anywhere! Enemies 'hate' him for being a man of his word? They can one way refugee themselves to Libya!" 
My response: "Keeping his promises? A man of his word? Will you people listen to yourselves? He lies all the time. And I mean all the time. And what about his promise to not take vacations, to not go golfing as president? What about his promise to show us his tax returns? Are you not upset that he failed to keep those promises? Are you determined to be blind to Donald's many lies, his many faults? And why? Why?" 

Ali Sajid  (on Facebook, 3-7-17): "He is men of truth.we are totally support aboriginal efforts to stimulate
Our economy.he is really really deserve
For praise

My response: "Wait, how many men is he? I understand he is two-faced. Is that what you meant? And did you mean 'deserving' there? And you probably meant to type 'of,' not 'for,' right? Actually, just what the hell do you mean? And please tell me how many men he is." 

My response: "Do you think the writing on the wall is spelled correctly? If so, then no Trump supporter wrote it. You should proofread what you type before posting it, Teresa. And why all the capital letters?"

Betty J Pose (on Facebook, 3-7-17): "Love all he is doing!!"
My response: "Me too, Betty! I love how he says 'Great' every few minutes. I love how he is attempting to dismantle the press and free speech. Who needs them? I love how he lies to everyone every time he opens his mouth. I love how he wants to get rid of the EPA. We don't need the environment, not as long as the economy is okay. I love how he is ruining public education. Who needs to be informed? After all, even the stupidest person on the planet can understand all of Donald Trump's words, and he's the only person anyone needs to listen to. Right, Betty? I love all he is doing, just like you do. I love how he brags about assaulting women. I love that he swindled people out of millions of dollars with his fake university. I love how he plays golf all the time even though he promised he wouldn't. I love that he refuses to show us his tax returns. I love that he's surrounding himself with racists. Just like you, Betty, I love everything that Donald Trump is doing!"

Adalberto Vigil (on Facebook, 3-7-17): "Its hard to fathom how ' never trumpers' and liberal snowflakes are so upset over this mans victory in our democratic system that not even news of Exxon mobile decision to create 45k jobs gets any applaud. The fact is that no matter what Trump administration does for the American People he and they will ever be good enough , they will get no credit , their hatred for the man will always be greater. I feel a bit sorry for those who rather live with the hate than have any hope that Trump could possibility do good for the country and its citizens."
My response: "Adalberto, 'applaud' is a verb, you moron. Also, the thing about snowflakes - since you people insist on using that word - is that every one is unique. Remember? That is the one thing we're taught about snowflakes. Every snowflake is unique. Unlike Trump supporters. They are all the same - stupid, loud, ignorant racist shitheads. Have a nice day!"