Friday, March 17, 2017

Donald Trump Drinking Game

Hurrah, it's St. Patrick's Day! Time to drink! As if we all haven't been drinking heavily ever since the election. I've had more alcohol in the few months since Donald "Grab 'Em By The Pussy" Trump was sort of elected than I drank in the entire decade of my twenties. (Slight exaggeration, perhaps. But only slight.) If you've somehow managed to stay sober (but for fuck's sake, why?), then perhaps you'll use this wonderful holiday to catch up. Here is a quick way to do it.

Take a shot (or a sip) every time any of the following occurs:
  • Donald says "great" (take two shots if he says "Make America great again," a slogan which by now everyone should know he stole from Ronald Reagan's campaign)
  • Donald lies (actually, this one thing will be enough to get you completely plastered)
  • Donald claims to be the least racist person, or the person most respectful of women, or anything like that (which of course is also a lie, so drink twice)
  • Donald says something racist
  • Donald or any member of his fascist regime says "Fake news"
  • Donald quotes a news source that says something complimentary or flattering about him (take two shots if it's a ridiculous source like Breitbart News or Alex Jones)
  • Donald takes credit for something that has absolutely nothing to do with him
  • Donald criticizes Barack Obama
  • Donald criticizes Hillary Clinton
  • Donald criticizes CNN
  • Donald criticizes Saturday Night Live 
  • Donald criticizes Arnold Schwarzenegger, or mentions The Apprentice
  • Donald claims that The New York Times is failing
  • Donald is rude to a journalist
  • Donald mentions again that he won the election
  • Donald Trump claims he has no ties with Russia
  • More evidence of Donald's ties with Russia is revealed
  • Donald misspells a word on Twitter or Facebook (take two shots if it's a simple word like "tap") 
  • Donald compliments Ivanka (take two shots if the compliment is creepy, like about how she's a hot piece of ass) 
  • Donald mentions one of his rallies (take two shots if he actually holds another rally)
  • Donald or any member of his regime completely fabricates a story, such as the Bowling Green Massacre 
  • Donald cuts or promises to cut spending on something that you personally feel is necessary, like the EPA 
  • Donald goes golfing
And drink if you see footage of him wearing an incredibly long red tie. Drink again if you can see that the tie is taped together in the back. Also, drink any time you wonder just where the hell Melania is. Drink any time you wonder where his tax returns are. Drink any time you wonder if you'll have health insurance.

Please be careful. Playing this game for more than one hour could result in alcohol poisoning. And if you play for the entire day, it will likely result in your death. (Trump supporters, please ignore these warnings.)

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