Alternative Fact: December 11, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Last night Donald Trump was found once again wandering the halls of the White House in only his Nazi underwear, mumbling about journalists and wielding a cardboard sword hastily covered with aluminum foil. As is now standard operating procedure, White House security officials used tranquilizer darts to take him down. They used more than usual, however, and as a result Donald Trump will not be able to appear in public today.