Alternative Fact: July 28, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump has begun taking bids for a special addition to Mount Rushmore. The work will be complicated by the fact that rock will actually have to be added as well as sculpted. "Since I am the greatest president this world has ever seen, I think my face should be bigger than all the rest combined," Donald announced at his latest self-love rally. He added that he believed some minor changes would have to be made to the existing sculpture as well. "I want those other guys to look up at me, admiringly," Donald explained. "Just like they would if they really existed."