Alternative Fact: September 2, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Startling new information has come to light regarding EPA chief Scott Pruitt. It seems that he has been paid handsomely by an alien race that has designs on our planet. According to leaked documents, these aliens cannot breathe oxygen, nor drink clean water. So they have enlisted the help of a man unbound by ethical concerns, paying him to prepare our world for their arrival by irreparably damaging the environment to better suit their needs. When confronted with this information, Pruitt said: "I serve whatever corporation pays me the most. That's the American way."