Alternative Fact: May 14, 2017

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Hoping to coax Melania back into bed with him (on those nights when Ivanka is otherwise occupied), Donald Trump has given her the state of Hawaii to do with as she will. Melania is reportedly thrilled with her gift, noting that it is located some distance from Washington, D.C. When Donald's consultants pointed this out to him, he told them to see about exchanging the gift for Virginia or possibly Maryland.