Craig Rickaway: "This country was one election away from being totally destroyed. Vote in November Folks. And VOTE CONSERVATIVE. Conservatives do not let Conservatives vote alone. Load up your cars and make sure every seat is occupied with a voter."
My response: "Craig, I agree! We are so lucky that Putin stepped in to save our country. Now we are safe. Well, except for children and teachers, of course. They are in constant danger. But who cares, right?"
Marlene Glidden: "Sure is my plan and anyone else that has a brain will vote Republican"
My response: "Marlene, I agree! By the way, where do you keep your brain? A lot of my Republican friends keep theirs in the garage, but I think possible oil leaks could damage it. Where is the safest place to keep a brain until the day when it might once again be needed?"
Jeannie Hathaway Ruffin: "Tired of the pure evil going on and laws not being enforced. Treason committed openly by our government officials against a sitting President!! More than sick. I'm disgusted."
My response: "Jeannie, I agree: you are more than sick. And you're right. How can anyone say anything against a president who is always seated? Don't they know he has trouble walking? Don't they know he's just a lazy bastard? Leave the lazy bastard alone, and stop saying bad things about him. Seriously, like you said, it is pure evil to say anything bad about the president, even if he does fuck his own daughter and destroy democracy and hand the country over to Russia."
Donna Long: "Mr Trump, do NOT allow these people to get under your skin. Keep toxic people at arms length. Not worth your time or energy. We know the truth. Love the rallies!!!"
My response: "Donna, I agree! Donald Trump should not let people dig under his skin. What are they looking for under there anyway? I don't think he keeps his tax returns under several layers of fat. Where are those tax returns, by the way? But, Donna, I think toxic stuff should be at least two arms' length away. Better safe than sorry! I mean, we don't want Donald Trump getting some kind of disease as a result of his being only one arm's length away from toxic waste. Because then a doctor might have to give him a shot, and that would go under his skin."
Matt Campbell: " I WAS PUTTING GAS IN MY VEHICLE WHEN I THOUGHT I HAD STEPPED IN DOG POOP. THE SMELL WAS HORENDOUS. THEN I SAW A HILLARY STICKER ON THE CAR NEXT TO ME. I IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZED TO EVERY DOG I SAW."
My response: "Matt Campbell, wow! How were you able to immediately apologize to every dog you saw? I would think you might be able to immediately apologize to one dog, but then it would take a moment before you could apologize to another dog. How many dogs did you see? How many dogs did you apologize to? Was there a dog park near by? A kennel? By the way, what was it that you stepped in, if it wasn't dog poop? It was probably dog poop, you know."
Vlouise Mandrell: "NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!!"
(This was in response to Donald Trump claiming that the Democrats want to abolish ICE.)
My response: "Ooh, all capital letters and multiple exclamation points. You must mean business, Vlouise Mandrell. There's no better way to get your point across than by using all capital letters, right? Hmm. Let me try: VLOUISE MANDRELL, YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT! Oh yes, I think that worked. Did you get my message?"
On Twitter, an idiot calling himself BKR (@bkbkb79) commented on something I had posted, leading to this little exchange.
BKR: "Trumps getting the job done. What’s the problem"
My response: "What job is he getting done precisely? I need you to be incredibly specific here. What is Trump accomplishing? (Also, you need an apostrophe before the S in 'Trumps getting.')"
BKR: "You’ll just have to get over my spelling. If it bothers you then thats your problem not mine"
My response: "You haven't answered the question. And you need an apostrophe in 'thats.' And a comma after 'problem.' And a period at the end of the sentence."
My response: "And actually, your poor communication skills are your problem, not mine. You should look into improving them."
My response: "And, I should point out, you still haven't actually answered the question. I know why you haven't. Do you?"
There is a page on Facebook called "Donald Trump Fan Club." Occasionally, I will leave a comment on this page. And after Donald Trump's blatant treason, I left this comment: "Hi there, treason-lovers! I just wanted to make sure you've all read the latest chapter in The Adventures Of Donald Trump. If it's too much for you to handle, get a friendly liberal person to read it to you. Here is the link." And I included the link to "Donald Trump And The Great Guardian Of The Gold."
Someone named Tony Hill responded: "Reading fiction is not what I like to read that’s why don’t read any liberal snowflake comments"
A stupid comment, obviously. It is presented as once sentence, without punctuation, and with the silly "snowflake" thing. But then Mark Mcquaid decided to add his life's only thought so far to the mix.
Mark Mcquaid: "Tony Hill I know libitards are the dumbest people on earth lmfao"
My response: "Mark Mcquaid, people who use non-words like "libtards" - and then even misspell them ("libitards") - are the dumbest creatures in existence. Mark, don't ever attempt to insult another person's intelligence again. Just don't even try it, you sad little turd. You are too stupid to even recognize your own stupidity."
My second response: "Mark Mcquaid is the kind of guy who couldn't hold down a job at Domino's."
(I wrote that because I went to his Facebook profile, and he had listed as his profession, "Former Pizza delivery at Domino's Pizza." I'm not kidding.)
My third response: "Mark Mcquaid is the kind of guy who has mittens clipped to his jacket."
My fourth response: " Mark Mcquaid is the kind of guy who took his sister to the prom, then complained to his mom when she refused to put out."
My fifth response (yeah, I was being a bit mean to this loser, but sometimes I just get annoyed): "Mark Mcquaid is the kind of guy who writes 'right' and 'left' on his shoes to avoid time-consuming confusion, but then still puts them on the wrong feet."
Yes, the dumbest people on the internet can be found on the Donald Trump Fan Club Facebook page. The site posted a photo of Donald and his prostitute Melania. And someone named Doug Burns left a comment, which began this little conversation...
Doug Burns: "THEY ARE THE NEXT BEST THING SENCE PEANUT BUTTER"
My response: "Idiots love capital letters. Idiots love to misspell words. Idiots hate punctuation. How's it going, Doug?"
Doug Burns: "LIKES LIKE YOU 2 ARE THE IDIOTS I THANK YOU"
My response: "Doug Burns, yup, idiots certainly do love capital letters. Idiots hate punctuation. Need any help tying your shoes, Doug?"
I went to Doug Burns' Facebook page, and had another laugh. So I went back to the Donald Trump Fan Club page, and added another response.
My response: "Doug Burns is such a complete moron that he actually misspelled 'transportation' on his Facebook page. That's right. Here is Doug's own job description: 'Senior Maintenance Supervisor at MISSOURI DEPT. OF TRANSPERTATION.' And look at that, more capital letters. Wow. Doug, you must be the kind of person who has mittens clipped to his jacket, even in summer."
Doug didn't give up, the poor little bastard.
Doug Burns: "O YEAL HAVE YOUR SELF A GOOD ONE"
My response: "Doug Burns, 'YEAL'? What does that mean? Also, 'yourself' is one word, not two. And seriously, Doug, you might want to look into punctuation, what it is, what it does, how it helps."
On that Donald Trump Fan Club page, Andrew Barrow started another delightful exchange.
Andrew Barrow: "Yes to bad he can't stay president from now on"
My response: "Yes, and too bad Trump supporters don't know the difference between 'to' and 'too.'"
Mary Smith: "He will be re-elected in 2020!!"
My response: "Clearly, you people hate democracy and hate the country. Otherwise, you wouldn't wish a dictator on us like that. By now you know that he is a traitor and a Russian puppet, and cares nothing whatsoever for this country, only for his own coffers."
Linda Caswell: "Michael Doherty Obama is the traitor"
My response: "Linda Caswell, why don't you explain your ridiculous claim?"
Linda Caswell: "Michael Doherty your wrong, too is the same as also.two is the number 2 and to is used just the way Andrew Borrow used it... "
My response: "Linda Caswell, you're wrong. And you're wrong in using 'your' instead of 'you're' when you typed 'your wrong.' Wow. Linda, you are one amazing idiot. Good for you!"
My second response: "Linda Caswell, also, I am still waiting to hear the evidence backing your insane claim. Hurry up, idiot."
Linda did not respond, so a little later I left one more comment.
My third response: "Well, of course Linda is silent now. Because there is nothing to back her insane claim. Linda Caswell is probably heavily medicated by now. Good work, nurses!"
Donald Trump Fan Club: "I still believe in one nation under God. Share if you agree!"
My response: "I agree. One nation under Athena! All I ever want to do is please her."
FOX News: "Convicted child rapist escapes from Kansas prison three days after arrival"
My response: "He's probably at the Trump Nazi rally. Look for him there."
There is also this:
***********************************
And a little fun with Donald Trump himself...
On Facebook, Donald Trump posted: "Brett Kavanaugh is an incredibly qualified nominee who deserves swift confirmation and robust bipartisan support!"
My response: "Donald, you are guilty of treason and under investigation. You should not be nominating anyone, but rather putting your affairs in order. Extend Melania's contract so that you'll have someone visit you in prison."
Donald Trump (on Facebook): "The Fake News Media is going crazy! They make up stories without any backup, sources or proof. Many of the stories written about me, and the good people surrounding me, are TOTAL FICTION!"
My response: "I agree. Donald Trump himself is total fiction. Nothing he says is based in anything even approaching reality. So any story about him must be fiction too, right? I say we should kill him off in the next story, and introduce some better characters to this story line."
Donald Trump (on Facebook): "NATO is paying their fair share and nobody has been tougher on Russia than me. Big results will come!"
My response: "That's right, Donald. You show Russia a tough kind of love. Like when Putin demands you strip and take a dog's member in your mouth, you sometimes cry a little first. That shows you're stalling and not eager to obey your master. Keep up the good fight, Donald!"
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