Alternative Fact: August 29, 2018

Today's alternative fact (to help you get through the day): Donald Trump, no longer able to accept negative news articles about himself, has ordered the creation of a new line of special Trump Computers, which will be available to all Americans for a great price. Every American will be legally obligated to turn in his or her current computers at designated government sites, and then will be sold the new Trump Computers. "They're going to be great," Donald told reporters. "When you turn on the machines, Lara Trump's face will greet you with the latest news of how great I am. And if you try to go to a site like CNN or The New York Times, the computer will issue a loud warning and then crash. It will also send a signal to the White House computer, so we'll know exactly who is trying to read fake news about your favorite president."