My Troubles With AT&T: Update April 29, 2018

My troubles with AT&T continue. The last time I spoke with a representative of the company on the phone, which was on April 16th, I was told they were in the process of going through the recordings in search of the call from March 12th, in which I was promised that my current bill and next bill would both be $0. (You can read about that promise here.) I was also told that they were going to put an extension on my account so that service wouldn't be cut off. I was told the date would be May 3rd, and that if the problem hadn't been resolved by then, to call back. Well, that date is approaching, and there has been no solution yet. I am not happy about the prospect of having to call AT&T yet again. Today I sent a message to the Better Business Bureau (which I've included in this post).

Here is what has happened since that call on the afternoon of April 16, 2018.

4-16-18

After I posted links to my update on Facebook and Twitter, AT&T miraculously got in touch with me through Twitter, though it was a different person than earlier contacted me on that site.

• At 5:54 p.m. I received this message on Twitter: “Hello, Michael! We would be glad to assist you today. Please give us more details on what is going on.” So I responded: “Well, I just spent nearly an hour on the phone (most of it on hold), just to get them to hold off on shutting off my service while the problem is being resolved. Last week I was promised that the recording of the call from March 12th would be listened to. In that call, I was promised that my then-current bill - February - as well as the next bill - March - would be $0. But apparently, Patrick failed to document the call, and I received bills.”
• I sent a second response: “Not only have I received bills, but also late charges, and today a notice that my service would be shut off on the 19th. The man I spoke with today, Hero (yes, that's his name), told me he added an extension so that service would continue while the managers listen to that phone call's recording.”
• At 6:01 p.m. I received another message in response: “We can definitely take a look at credit for February and March! Just send us your service type and account number so we may get started!” So I responded with my account number. Of course, then I wondered just how many people were working on this problem. Perhaps none. Perhaps they all were. Either way, I now had two weeks where I wouldn’t have to worry about it, as Hero (in my update from April16, 2018) put an extension on the bill while the managers hunted for the recording of the call.

4-17-18

• At 8:43 p.m., I came home to no phone or internet service. On the modem, the phone light was red, and the broadband light wasn’t on at all.
• At 8:50 p.m., after unplugging the modem and plugging it back in, service came back. But how long was it off? How many calls did I miss? And it is infuriating to learn that the problem of my service is still not actually solved. What the hell?

4-25-18

• Having not heard back from AT&T, I tried a new tactic. I sent the company a message on Facebook. Here is my message, sent at 4:48 p.m.: “I can't believe I am still waiting to hear back on my bill. Seriously, this hasn't been resolved yet? I was promised I would receive a call when they listened to the recording of the conversation from March 12th. Are you guys completely incompetent? This has been going on for far too long.” Then, at 4:52 p.m., I sent a second message: “I've talked with so many people - via phone and Twitter - and still, nothing. My messages on Twitter started to be ignored.” And I sent them a link to the last update I posted on my blog.
• At 5:18 p.m., I received this response: “We apologize that you have yet to get an issue resolved after a month of talking to numerous people to no avail! We'd be more than delighted to get this turned around for you! Would you mind providing us with your account number, along with a brief elaboration on what you initially experienced? Thanks! -JewelR Social Media Specialist”
• Encouraged by the response (by getting any response at all, actually), I replied immediately, giving them my account number. “As for what happened, I've told the story so many times. I posted something about it on my blog. The opening paragraph of this post is the short version.” And I included a link to an earlier update on my blog.
• At 5:30 p.m., I received this response: “We really feel your pain regarding your bill and service. Please provide your contact number so we properly investigate both your internet/home phone service and billing issue. Hope to hear from you soon. ^WaleA.” I immediately responded with my phone number.

And then, nothing.

4-26-18

• So the next day (Thursday, April 26th), I sent this message on Facebook: “Any word? I was told I'd be called after they listened to the recording. That was ten days ago. How long does it take?”
• At 11:51 a.m., I got this response: “We appreciate your patience while we gather information and details to take the next steps! To get going in the right direction, can you clarify which services you have with us? We’re awaiting your response. –Denise V. Social Media Specialist” Which services? Really? Don’t they know that by now? 
• I responded: “Landline and internet. Isn't that in my record?”
• At 12:02, their response came: “Thank you for clarifying that! We are reviewing your request and working hard towards a speedy and agreeable resolution. We appreciate your patience and know your time is valuable and don't want to waste it, if you need additional assistance please let us know! -MattM Social Media Specialist” Interesting that it is a different name used every time I get a response. Wale, Denise, Matt. 
• Anyway, at 5:51 p.m., I sent this message: “Thank you. I just want to hear that the last two bills have been reduced to $0, as I'd been promised, and then I can forget all about it, and just pay the next bill.”

No response.

4-27-18 

Still no response.

• At 11:58 a.m., I sent this message: “The last time I called, they put an extension on my account to early May. But if AT&T hasn't found the recording yet, then you need to put a further extension on it. I don't want my service shut off because no one there is able to do his or her job. I want an extension until the issue is resolved, whenever that may be. Perhaps that will get those people to pick up the pace on this problem.”
• At 3:13 p.m., I sent this message: “Hmm, according to Facebook, you haven't even read my last two messages. Weird.” Yeah, on Facebook, it is indicated when someone has read your message. Apparently, AT&T decided to completely ignore me on Friday, for not only did no one respond to my messages, but no one actually even read them.

As of midnight Friday night, AT&T had yet to bother reading my messages. Incredible.

4-29-18

• Having still not heard back from AT&T, and with the new deadline approaching, I sent this message to the company via Facebook at 11:45 a.m.: "While I'm waiting for the problem to be resolved, I want to make sure my services aren't shut off. It is almost May, the new deadline. Please let me know that that has been extended again. It needs to be extended until you guys finally abide by the promise that was made to me." 
• I then sent this message to the Better Business Bureau through Facebook:
  "Hi there. My name is Michael Doherty. I am writing to you because of the poor treatment I'm suffering from AT&T. Because of the terrible service, I was promised on March 12th that my current bill and the next bill would be $0. I confirmed that several times with Patrick, the employee who made the promise before letting him transfer me to the technicians to solve my service issues. But Patrick apparently did not properly document the call or his promise, for a bill came and it included the previous bill's amount, plus late charges. I have spoken to multiple people there - via phone, Twitter and Facebook - and apparently no one bothered to listen to the recording of the March 12th call. I was told all calls were recorded. Now it seems they're simply ignoring my messages. I've written about part of this in my blog (If you're curious, here are the links: http://furrymike.blogspot.com/2018/04/my-troubles-with-at-update-april-12.html and http://furrymike.blogspot.com/2018/04/my-troubles-with-at-update-april-13-2018.html and http://furrymike.blogspot.com/2018/04/my-troubles-with-at-update-april-16-2018.html ). It is stressful having this hanging over my head, and I am furious with them for not honoring a promise that was made to me. A promise that was made, I might add, not out of kindness or anything, but because it was the right thing to do. So it's equally infuriating that no one at AT&T is willing to simply make the same decision that Patrick did and follow through on it. What can I do? - Michael Doherty

Trump Supporters Are Idiots, Round Ten

Donald Trump is a despicable person who should already be in jail, but likely will be heading there soon. Yet there are those who still like this guy. Supporters of Donald Trump continue to prove themselves to be the absolute worst that humanity has to offer, and utterly incapable of thought. On Facebook, there is a "Donald Trump Fan Club" page, and last night I posted this comment on that page:

"It absolutely amazes and depresses me that anyone would believe a single word uttered by Donald Trump. Trump is a completely dishonest and delusional shithead. If you believe Trump, something is seriously wrong with you. My guess is that you haven't finished junior high school."

Several people responded, and their responses included grammatical errors. One of those who responded and was particularly upset was a man named Fred Rubin. This was his comment:

"Hey mike aka douche bag
Bet You couldn’t finish grade school lol stfu."

Well, I went to Fred's Facebook page, and he had posted how he had been temporarily kicked off of Facebook, but was now back on. Apparently, Fred was completely unaware of security measures for his page, and I was able to comment on his post. That led to the following exchange.

Donald Trump And The Great Witch Hunt

     Ever since Donald Trump was a little boy, he’s been terrified of witches. When he was in his teens, a witch cast a disfiguring spell on him, causing his hands to shrink slightly. Some people claimed they couldn’t see the difference, and told him it was all in his mind, but Donald knew the truth. He had tiny hands, and a witch was to blame. More recently, a witch leveled another curse at him, inviting winds to blow his unusual hair right off his head whenever he was outside and cameras were aimed at him.

     “The witches make me look ridiculous,” Donald said. “That’s something that only a witch can do.” He knew it was incredibly difficult to make him look anything other than great, and so whenever he looked anything other than great, witches were to blame.

     Donald knew a lot about witches. In fact, witchcraft was one of the thousands of subjects that he was an expert on. “Witches are tricky,” Donald liked to tell people. “Sometimes they’ll disguise themselves as beautiful, alluring women with knockout knockers.” So of course in that case Donald couldn’t help but want to get his tiny hands on them. And he would just grab them, kiss them, whatever he wanted to do. He knew that later, if they complained about his groping, they were witches. There were plenty of witches about.

     And yet, for some reason, there were people out to get him, rather than out to get the witches. It made no sense. In fact, recently some people broke into his best friend’s house in order to find evidence that Donald was a witch, and that he got help from other witches from Russia, a coven led by his pal Vladimir. People were so caught up in this false witch hunt, that Donald Trump knew the only thing that could refocus their attention and satisfy them would be a real witch hunt. And Donald, though terrified of witches, was just the person to lead it. “I am the greatest witch hunter ever,” he told his pet lizard Kellyanne and his dog Sanders. “Though sometimes you just have to pay off a witch so she won’t shrink your hands further.” Sanders barked her agreement.

     For this witch hunt, Donald Trump knew he would need a little help, and he decided to turn to an old chum, Sean Hannity. Hannity knew a thing or two about paying off witches. And Hannity was someone Donald could trust. After all, years ago Donald and Sean had experimented with farmyard animals together, and Sean never divulged details of those carefree days, not even to the cross-dressed hookers whose favors he often paid for. When Donald called him, Sean agreed to the plan immediately. He knew that a successful hunt of a real witch would make him a hero among a certain segment of the population, and would perhaps help him out of his own public image troubles.

     And so early one morning, Donald and Sean set off on a great adventure. Donald didn’t want to tip off the witches that they were coming, so he had to sneak out of his big white house. He kept reporters busy by sending Sanders the talking dog to stand in front of them at the podium. Donald, of course, knew that Sanders didn’t really talk. The old girl just barked. But he also knew that the reporters would do their best to interpret those barks, and it would keep them occupied for the rest of the day while he went about bagging a witch. He patted Sanders’ head, and gave her a biscuit. “Good girl, Sanders! Good girl!” With the adults thus occupied, Donald and Sean were able to sneak out easily.

     Sean did the driving because sometimes Donald’s tiny hands had trouble grasping the steering wheel. “Where should we look first?” Sean asked.

     Donald thought about all the women who revealed themselves as witches by complaining about his unwanted advances, and said, “New York.”

    “Okay,” Sean responded. “Buckle up.”

     On the drive up, Sean and Donald kept themselves busy by telling each other how great they were, and the time flew by. They were in New York before they knew it. “Wow, that was fast,” Donald said. “I’m not even done telling you how great I am.” Before they stepped out of the car, Donald said: “They love me in this city, but there are lots of witches here. We have to be careful. Let’s use code names so that people won’t recognize us. I will be Giant Hands. You can be Giant Talent. No one will ever guess our real identities.”

     They gave each other a quick kiss for luck and then stepped out onto the busy sidewalk. People rushed by them without giving them so much as a glance.

     “How are we going to tell which ones are witches?” Sean asked. “They all look like witches to me. I mean, none of them are even white.”

     “Well, Giant Hands, there is one way,” Donald began.

     “No, you’re Giant Hands,” Sean corrected. “I’m Giant Talent. Remember?”

     “Oh. Well, Giant Talent, there is one way, one easy way, to tell if a woman is a witch. But to perform this test, I am going to have to reveal to her my true identity.”

     “Is that safe?”

     “It is a risk we must take. For you see, only a witch will spurn my sexual advances. It is because they’re not real women. They’re monsters who must be destroyed.” Sean quickly agreed, but felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of women on the streets of New York. However, luck was on their side that day, for the very first woman they confronted turned out to be a witch.

     They chose a dark-haired beauty because Donald said, “Anyone who looks like Ivanka is going to be attracted to me and therefore not a witch.” This woman was dressed all in black, but that wasn’t enough to make Donald confident that she was a witch. In fact, for a moment Donald hoped she wasn’t a witch. “This girl is hot,” Donald whispered to Sean. “Not as hot as Ivanka, but still very hot.”

     “Don’t worry, Donald, I will be ready,” Sean told him.

    Donald stepped in front of the woman and said, “Hi, I’m Donald Trump.” He then grabbed her by the pussy. The woman screamed and tried to hit him with her purse, but Sean was on that witch like a shot, forcing a large canvas sack over her head.

     “I’ve got her!” Sean exclaimed.

     “Great!” Donald shouted. “Now let’s get her back to D.C. before Sanders really does start talking.”

     When they arrived at the press briefing room, Sanders was still keeping the reporters busy. “Here, girl,” Trump whispered, and tossed a red rubber ball into the hallway. Sanders bounded after it, and Donald took her place at the podium.

     “Ladies and gentlemen of the press,” he began. “For a long time now I have been the unfair target of a witch hunt. Most of you know this is ridiculous, since only women can be witches. Still, the unfair attack has continued. Until now.” Donald paused for dramatic effect. “For today, with the help of Sean Hannity, I – the greatest witch hunter the world has ever seen – have captured a witch.” He motioned for Sean Hannity to come forward. Sean dragged the large canvas bag over to the podium. “Today I give the American people what they want: a real, live –”

     Sean interrupted Donald, whispering something in his ear.

     “No? Suffocated in the trunk?” Donald said. “Well, it was a long drive. And we did stop for those burgers. And those other burgers.” He then turned back to the cameras. “I give the American people a real witch.” Sean then dumped the witch’s body onto the floor next to the podium. The reporters gasped, and then they all applauded. Donald Trump was once again their hero.

Photo From Work

Here is a photo from the parking lot when I arrived to work yesterday morning.

I wish I had also taken a photo of the friendly giraffe I saw when I returned to the parking lot at the end of the day.

My Troubles With AT&T: Update April 16, 2018

As you may recall, I've been having trouble with AT&T over my bill. The short version is that I was promised that both my February and March bills would be $0 because of the ongoing trouble with my service. The problem is that Patrick, the employee who promised the bills would be $0, didn't properly document the call. Or, perhaps, he did, but that documentation has been lost somehow since then. After speaking with several people over the past month, I learned that all calls are recorded. For some reason, no one ever bothered to listen to the recording of the call I made on March 12th (the fateful call with Patrick). So last week I was promised (by a man named Adam) that recording would be found, and that I would hear back.

Before I get to the latest from today, here is more information from the 13th (scroll down if you wish to skip this part, about yet more repairs to the line):

April 13, 2016

• 3:03 p.m.  – I get a call from the technician. He says he’ll be here in twenty minutes. But he’s not an outside technician. I said specifically yesterday that the problem will be outside, but AT&T sent me an inside guy. Perfect. He says his own tests on my line have shown everything in working order, and that he’s not sure what he’ll be able to do, but he’s on his way nonetheless.
• 3:38 p.m. – Still no sign of the technician. I suppose you could say he’s only fifteen minutes late, as he said he’d be here in twenty minutes thirty-five minutes ago. But, really, he’s an hour and thirty-eight minutes late, as I was told he’d be here between noon and 2 p.m. Plus, it sounds like he won’t be able to do anything anyway. So I am likely waiting around for no reason whatsoever.
• 3:46 p.m. – The technician, Michael, arrives. He is a seriously nice guy, and gives me back a bit of my faith in AT&T. He says the tests he’s run have all come up positive, and that it’s an old building with copper wiring, saying that they can’t replace the wiring in the building because of course AT&T doesn’t own the building. Still, he makes at least one adjustment on the box outside, and gives me his card. I joke with him that I am trying to collect the entire set of AT&T technicians cards, like baseball cards. I am optimistic that my service will not be interrupted, at least for a while. Unless of course AT&T simply shuts off my service because of a lack of communication regarding my bill. I have not heard back from Adam. And it’s Friday. So, does that mean nothing will happen until Monday?

April 16, 2018

I haven’t heard back from Adam, and in today’s mail was a notice from AT&T that my service will shut off on the 19th if the bill isn’t paid. What the hell? These guys are terrible. So I make yet another call to AT&T.

• 4:49 p.m. – I call AT&T, and am almost immediately put on hold, before even reaching an actual person.
• 5:08 p.m. – I am still on hold. This time music plays (last time there was just silence). One song which has already played several times through. I am beginning to really hate this instrumental piece. Will anyone answer?
• 5:11 p.m. – The song is starting again. All I need to do is tell them to put a hold on any charges until the managers listen to the tapes of that elusive March 12th phone call. Why is this so difficult? I sent messages to AT&T via Twitter, but those have been ignored, as were my previous messages. Am I being ignored again here?
• 5:14 p.m. – The song begins again. Is anyone still there? Has the office closed without bothering to notify those already on hold?
• 5:17 p.m. – The song starts again, and I am beginning to give up hope of ever reaching anyone. What the hell, AT&T? I’ve been on hold for nearly half an hour.
• 5:20 p.m. – Still no one is answering, and the song has started yet again. I feel that AT&T is now deliberately torturing me, the bastards.
• 5:24p.m. – The song is starting again. Is the song getting longer? Weird. Time is stretching out and I am no longer a part of reality. I’ve entered another dimension where nothing ever happens.
• 5:25 p.m. – Finally someone answers. His name is Hero (badge # CO385P – that an O as Oscar, not a zero), and he promises me he will be my hero. Who knows? Perhaps he will. I tell him about the notice that I just received, and explain that while I am waiting for a problem to be resolved I want to make sure that my service isn’t shut off. That’s all.
• 5:30 p.m. – He applies an extension and assures me that my service won’t be shut off. At least, until May 3rd. If the problem hasn’t been resolved by then, I should call back. I thank him for his help, and express hope that the issue will be resolved before then.
• 5:31 p.m. – The call ends.

My Troubles With AT&T: Update April 13, 2018

Because AT&T so far refuses to honor a promise that was made to me by one of its employees regarding my bill (actually, more than one made the promise), I feel a need to document every development, to keep a record and to make it public, so that the company too can review it. Yesterday I posted an update, with some information on the employee’s promise to me, and on the latest communications I had with the company. Click here to read that. And now here is today’s update.

• 9:33 a.m. –  Adam calls just to say he’s waiting for approval to look for the recording of the March 12th call, and that he’ll call me back with an update later.
• 12:19 p.m. – An automated message from AT&T is left on my home phone’s answering machine. “This is an important call from AT&T regarding your account,” the message begins. It goes on to ask me to call their 1-800 number, not a direct line or anything. No details are given on what the call is about. My guess is it has nothing to do with the ongoing problems, and is rather just a reminder to pay what AT&T sees as an overdue bill. (I didn’t answer because I have a personal rule to never answer or respond to a call made by a recording. I demand interactions with real people.)
• 1:37 p.m. – I receive a text message from AT&T: “AT&T Alert: We may not arrive by 2PM.” Sam, the technical support guy I spoke with yesterday, assured me a technician would be here between noon and 2 p.m. today. Now, who knows? The text message tells me to type “KEEP” if I still want the guy to come out today. But when I typed “Keep,” I got this response: “Message + would like to send a message to 883773. This may cause charges on your mobile account.” What the hell? So I didn’t reply at all. The other option was to type “STOP” if I wanted to cancel the appointment. Since I am not typing either, I assume the guy will come out here, especially as I had told AT&T I didn’t want to receive any text messages in the first place.
• 2:02 p.m. – Clearly, the repairman won’t make it here within that two-hour window, as we are two minutes past that now. Will he or she come at all? I have other things I need to do, but I am stuck here, even though I’m sure all the work that is necessary will be done at the box outside.
• 2:07 p.m. – Also, I have not heard back from Adam with regards to the bill.

My Troubles With AT&T: Update April 12, 2018 Part 2

I've been having problems with AT&T for a couple of years, with intermittent service to my landline and internet, with repeated problems with the bills also. But the past few months, it has gotten much, much worse. February was so bad, that one of the service people promised me that my bill would be $0 for the month. When the bill arrived, it was for $76.11. On March 12th, I called AT&T to discuss that problem, as well as a problem with my service. Because, even after technicians had come out again, my connection got worse. In fact, I had no service whatsoever - no landline, no internet - on March 12th. The man I spoke with on the morning of March 12th, whose name is Patrick (he did not give his last name), promised me he had fixed that bill, and it was $0. And he promised me that my next bill would likewise be $0, since I still had no service. I made him confirm both of those things four times before transferring me to a technician. 

But it turns out that Patrick did not fix either bill, and did not document the call at all, as the people I've spoken with since then have told me they can find no documentation of the call. Strange, since the technicians did come out soon after that. One thing I despise is dishonesty, and I feel that AT&T is being dishonest with me. Now, the thing they're doing here that I find even more infuriating is that AT&T is accusing me of lying. They're implying that since they have no note of the conversation, that the conversation must not have taken place. I of course have the conversation noted, but in effect I am being told that AT&T does not believe me.

I decided to make one last attempt to resolve the situation before going to the Better Business Bureau, and maybe switching phone companies. So here are notes from the phone call I made today, which began at 2:25 p.m. and ended at 4:03 p.m.

PHONE CONVERSATION: 4-12-18

• I call at 2:25p.m.
• I reach a real person at 2:26. Rachel (who said her ID number is B-zero-B). She would not give me her last name. I asked.
• I explain the problem in some detail. I can't even begin to guess how many AT&T employees have heard this story already.
• Rachel tells me the only way they can fix the problem, the only way they can give me what I was promised, is if it was properly documented. But that is the problem. Patrick failed to document our conversation; at least that's what I've been told by several people since then. I had him confirm that he’d documented it four times before he transferred me to technical support, but he apparently still failed to do.
• At 2:31 p.m., Rachel puts me on hold to check the documentation. This is after she told me that every single call is recorded. What happened to the recording of the call I had on March 12th? I wonder.
• At 2:47 p.m., I get fed up with her saying the charges are sustained because of lack of documentation, and I ask her to transfer me to her supervisor.
• I am put on hold at 2:47 p.m. There is no music or anything, and after a couple of minutes I wonder if she’s simply hung up on me. Customer service could not possibly be worse. By the way, she kept calling me “Mr. Michael,” until finally I said, “Michael is my first name.”
• At 2:52 p.m., suddenly there is a one-second burst of music, then nothing again. So my messages have been ignored on Twitter. The promises to me were not documented or kept. I’m told that all calls are recorded, but for some reason they cannot find the 1 hour 24 minute conversation I had with Patrick and technicians on March 12th. And now they’re just leaving me on hold, ignoring me again. I’ve never been treated so poorly by any company.
• It is 2:58 p.m. I’ve been on hold for eleven minutes. No one has come on to let me know how long the wait might be. No one has given any indication whatsoever that they are even aware that I am on hold or that they have any intention of picking up. How long am I supposed to remain on hold? Is my time not important?
• At 3:05 p.m., I hear a bit of music, and then a ringing, and I am hopeful that perhaps someone will answer.
• At 3:08 p.m., Adam (ID or Badge # 169994) answers and tells me they’ll investigate the issue. Apparently no one has searched for the recording of that March 12th call, although several people have told me that they were unable to find it. So, anyway it is not documented that anyone searched for that recording. Did they just tell me they couldn't find it without actually looking for it? Or did they look for it, fail to find it, and then fail to document that they searched for it?
• Adam keeps telling me that my current bill is due on the 16th. I explain that my past bill and current bill are both $0, and that I will not, under any circumstances, pay even one cent. I also tell him that because of the interruption in my service last night that my next bill should be adjusted accordingly. He seems to think I mean the current bill. I tell him to forget the current bill for a moment, that I am now talking about the next bill. 
• At 3:42 p.m., I tell Adan I have to get off the phone soon because I have to pee. But first we need to schedule yet another technician since my service cut out last night.
• At 3:43 p.m. I am put on hold yet again. I really need to pee.
• At 3:45 p.m., Adam says he is transferring me to technician now. Also, he says he made the adjustment to my next bill regarding last night’s interruption in service. I want to believe him, but who knows? Also, I am about to burst. I am put on hold again
• At 3:48 p.m., hurrah, the cord stretches to the bathroom. Relieved, though still on hold.
• At 3:49 p.m., Sam from technical support says he’s going to run some line tests. I am put on hold again.
• At 3:57 p.m., Sam confirms there is a problem with the line, and says he will send out a technician.
• At 4:02 p.m., he sets up an appointment with a technician for tomorrow.
• At 4:03 p.m., I finally hang up.

My Troubles With AT&T: Update, April 12, 2018

It seems now that the folks running the AT&T Twitter page are no longer responding to my messages. I spoke with Juan, a social media specialist for the company, on the phone on April 3rd, a conversation that lasted more than a half hour, and which he assured me was recorded (you see, AT&T is claiming that they can’t find the recordings in which the solution to the problems with my bill was offered). Juan also told me he’d play the recording for his supervisor, and that that supervisor would get back to me within a few hours. He or she did not do so.

So on April 4th, I sent this message: “Hello again. I never heard from the supervisor, and today received a new AT&T bill. I'm not going to open it. And I don't really have any more time this week to deal with this. Please let me know it has been settled. I owe $0.”

No response from anyone at AT&T.

On April 9th, I sent this message through Twitter: “I still haven't heard from a supervisor. This has to be settled today. Tomorrow I call the Better Business Bureau and begin spreading my woes about how this has been handled.”

No response from AT&T. I didn’t have time to contact the Better Business Bureau, and of course would prefer for AT&T to resolve the problem, as was promised to me repeatedly.

Early yesterday I sent this message: “I never heard back. Does that mean everything has been fixed?”

No response from AT&T.

So last night I sent this message: “Are you guys no longer responding to my messages? Hello? My internet and phone cut out several minutes ago, and just came back on. So the problem isn't even fixed. I don't want to receive a bill until I have a month of uninterrupted service. Is that too much to ask for?”

No response from AT&T.

The Twitter handle is ATTCares. So today I sent this message: “ATT Cares? Really?”

No response.

So now I will attempt to get a hold of someone else at AT&T who will finally solve the problem. However, there is also a new problem; or rather, an old problem acting up again. My phone and internet cut out again last night for several minutes. This is the problem that I’ve had since February of 2016. I think I’ve met every AT&T technician at some point during the past two years. Anyway, I am going to call now. Stay tuned…

Donald Trump And The Great Easter Egg Hunt

     Donald was in despair. He was throwing a big party, but wasn’t having any fun. None of the other children wanted to play with him, even after he’d invited them all over to his house for Easter games, even after he’d had the servants get the grounds in tippety-top shape for the occasion. They laughed with each other, but none would listen to his grand tales of giant walls and foreign invaders. They ignored him, which is something Donald just couldn’t stand. They ignored him, preferring even the company of their parents to being near him.

     But Donald had an idea. This was his house, after all – or building, or whatever you want to call it – there was really no name for it, Donald realized. But whatever it was, it was his, and he could do whatever he wanted with it. So he ordered his servants to hook up a microphone and speaker system so that he could address the other children. And, by golly, they would have to listen to him then. He would speak loudly, like in all capital letters. “I love capital letters,” Donald thought to himself. They tower over the other letters and make themselves heard.

      Of course, he wanted the other children to look at him too, not just listen to him. And so he coaxed the two most exciting people he could find to stand beside him at the podium above the crowd – Melania, a girl that he’d bought and who had to do whatever he said, and the Easter Bunny. The Bunny at first refused, but after Donald threatened to have his family deported, the terrified rabbit nervously agreed. With a prostitute and the Easter Bunny at his side, the other kids were certain to pay attention to him, Donald surmised. “I will be the most popular kid at the party.”

     Once Donald began speaking, he realized his plan had been perfect. Everyone was facing his way. Everyone was looking at him. Everyone was listening. The plan worked so well, that Donald was reluctant to stop speaking. He seized the opportunity to let the crowd know what a great guy he was. It was his favorite subject, and there was no one more knowledgeable about Donald’s strengths than Donald himself.

     But soon even he was itching to play games, and so he declared it was time for the Great Easter Egg Hunt. The other children cheered, and their parents look relieved. Secret Service men lined the children up at one end of the lawn and handed each child a basket. Donald made sure he was right in the middle of the line, pushing a couple of kids out of the way, so that all the parents would be looking at what a handsome young man he was becoming. He straightened his tie proudly. Donald wasn’t worried about the competition. He knew he’d win because he’d hidden the eggs himself. And – to be absolutely certain – he hid some inside the house or building or whatever you want to call it, where the other children were not allowed. He even left his pet lizard Kellyanne in there to guard them, just in case a child or two managed to get past his armed Secret Service men. Donald would be victor today, and would prove himself to be the greatest Easter Egg hunter in the history of the world.

     “Ready, set, go,” Donald shouted. And the children scampered off in all directions, delighted when they found a colored egg. Donald found a few himself, but was having a bit of trouble remembering just where he had placed the majority of them. Remembering things can be difficult. But he did not worry, knowing that a large pile of eggs waited for him in a special basket inside. “I’d better get those eggs now,” Donald decided. No one was looking at him as he slipped inside the house or building or whatever you want to call it. But when he got to his room, his pet lizard Kellyanne was not there. “Strange,” Donald thought. “I told her to stay right here.” He made a mental note to reprimand her later – publicly, if possible. But right now, he had something more important on his mind – get those eggs and win the race!

     Donald reached under his golden bed, where he’d left the secret stash of eggs, but his hand closed on nothing. He got down on the gold floor and peered into the darkness under his bed. Apart from the box containing those special photos of Ivanka, there was nothing there. The eggs were gone!

     Donald felt a panic grip his tiny heart, but forced himself to calm down. The eggs must be here. He looked all around his room, but they were nowhere to be found. “Two minutes left,” he heard a Secret Service man shout outside. The hunt was almost over. Donald looked into his basket. There were only three eggs in there. He couldn’t hold back the panic any longer. How was he going to win now? Even his pal Vladimir, who’d helped him during so many past adventures, wouldn’t be able to aid him. There wasn’t enough time.

     “Think, Donald, think,” he said to himself. And then it occurred to him – this house or building or whatever you want to call it had an immense kitchen. Certainly there would be a lot of eggs in there. He rushed into the kitchen, and indeed found several cartons of eggs. Dozens of eggs! Only they were the wrong color. What could he do? He called for his prostitute. “Melania!”

     Melania instantly appeared, as she’d been trained to do. “What is your bidding, my master?” she asked.

     “Dump all your makeup onto these eggs!”

     Donald had only a few precious seconds left to get back outside. He heard the buzzer go off, signaling an end to the hunt. The other children would be going to the judges now to have their eggs counted. Was Donald too late? He felt despair overtake him, even as Melania complied with his order and the eggs turned many magical colors.

     “I’ve lost, Melania,” he whined. He was about to blame his adversaries, Barack and Hillary, when it suddenly occurred to him that he himself had appointed the judges for this contest. There was hope yet!

     Donald placed four cartons of eggs into his basket, straightened his tie, and proudly walked outside to have himself declared the winner. Everyone applauded. Everyone knew he was the greatest Easter Egg hunter ever.

     Meanwhile, a mile away, the Easter Bunny gathered his family together. “We have to leave,” he told them. He handed his wife a special basket of colored eggs. “These will have to sustain us for now,” he said. “Until we can change our appearance and start life over in a better place, like Canada.”