Donald Trump's Expanded Interview

I was sent a special, unedited version of Donald Trump's latest interview. It is quite a bit different from what was broadcast to the nation. In the full version, he not only promised to build a wall between the United States and Mexico and force Mexicans to pay for it, but also promised to force illegal Mexicans to do the actual labor without pay. He also toyed with the idea of having them build a special catapult, and then any more Mexicans caught on our side of the wall after its completion would be catapulted across to Mexico. "That's because I don't want there to be any doors in the wall," he explained. "Mexicans are all criminals, and it would be too easy for them to pick the lock of a door." When asked about the possibility of a fence instead of a wall, he said there might be some fencing, but then explained that he meant that Mexicans would be forced to engage in fencing duels on top of the wall. "This will provide some entertainment," he said. "Of course, if they happen to fall off the wall back into our country, we will have the catapult ready."

He also expanded on his promise to have Roe Vs. Wade overturned. In the interview as it aired, he said he would appoint a conservative judge who would be against abortion. But in the unedited version, he talked about how he will impose prison sentences on women who try to get abortions, that they will be tied down in a cell until they give birth, to make sure that nothing happens to their unborn children. When asked, "What about in the case of rape?" Trump answered that the rape accusation against him was unfounded, and that the woman had dropped her suit, thus proving it was unfounded, and that she wasn't attractive enough for him to have raped in the first place. The interviewer, somewhat stunned, tried to get Trump back on course with regards to abortion, but Trump continued, saying that rape doesn't exist, and he threatened to kill anyone who said otherwise.

In the interview as aired, Donald insisted that he hadn't heard any racial slurs by any of his supporters, then admitted there might have been just one or two instances on social media. When asked if he had a message for those few people, he said, "Stop it." In the expanded version of the interview, he then asked, "Wait, do you mean the wetbacks and the rag-heads?" He explained that slurs against those people would stop soon after he took office because he would not permit any more wetbacks and rag-heads to enter the country, and would deport all of them that he could find within the country. That way, there would no longer be a call to use such racial slurs.

Donald also promised that he would find a way to imprison his opponent, Hillary Clinton. He said, "She did some bad things, I mean she did some bad things." In the full version of the interview, he admitted, when asked, that she hadn't swindled people out of millions of dollars with a fake university, raped a thirteen-year-old girl, assaulted several women, bragged about assaulting several women, spied on women as they were changing during beauty pageants, refused to rent apartments to black people, intimidated tenants, dealt with the mafia in the building of casinos, used undocumented workers to build a tower, illegally operated a casino, refused to compensate employees for work done, used campaign money to purchase copies of her own book, or used charity money to have a life-size portrait done. He said he would look into every aspect of her life, and find something dirty on her, or, if need be, create it himself, and have her arrested.

Melania Trump was also interviewed, and said her special cause as First Lady would be to stop bullying. She admitted that she told her husband "all the time" not to bully people on social media, but that he only listened to her occasionally. In the unedited version of the interview, Melania also admitted that her non-bullying policy would not apply to those who spoke against Muslims, Mexicans and blacks.

After the interview, Donald kissed his wife, and then grabbed Ivanka and kissed her too. Perhaps thinking that his microphone had been turned off, he then bragged about how sexy his daughter is, and that no matter who she dates, he would always be her first.