Los Angeles Dodgers Visit White House

The Los Angeles Dodgers, celebrating their second consecutive World Series victory, visited the White House on Thursday. One by one, the players all knelt down before the president and put his limp worm in their mouths. There was no arousal (after all, none of the players resembled Ivanka Trump), though, as Will Klein gleefully announced, "He did pee a little." Shohei Ohtani confirmed the president's incontinence, and both pitchers told reporters that they were never going to wash their mouths out again after such an honor. After the players pledged their undying fealty to the fat old fascist, the team was treated to a special performance by The Jeffrey Epstein Dancers, who were bussed in from a West Virginia grammar school. "This is why I love baseball, and why I am going to miss the game," Clayton Kershaw exclaimed, while twelve-year-old Kaley Smith gave him a lap dance. Kershaw retired at the end of the 2025 season. When asked what he might do now, Kershaw said he'd love to manage. He then clarified that he did not mean a baseball team, but rather the dance troupe who had just entertained him and his fellow teammates. Dodgers team owner Mark Walter promised Dodgers fans another World Series victory in 2026, adding that the opportunity to suck Trump's cock again next year is all the inspiration he needs.