Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: Never finish a sentence that begins, "Needless to say."

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: The words "they," "their" and "them" refer to more than one person (or animal or thing), and shouldn't be used to refer to a single person. This is something we all learned in school early on, and yet the mistake is common. And, yes, the correct "he or she" can become awkward, particularly if in the same sentence you need to also say "him or her," but there are ways to avoid such constructions. In some cases, you could simply make the subject plural. Like instead of saying "Anyone who votes Republican should have his or her head examined," you could say, "People who vote Republican should have their heads examined." The same goes for someone of unknown gender. Don't say, for example, "Someone left their backpack outside the boarding gate." If you don't want to say, "Someone left his or her backpack outside the boarding you gate," you could instead say, "Someone left a backpack outside the boarding gate" or "A backpack was left outside the boarding gate" or "TSA is going to destroy someone's backpack."

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: Don't say "impossible" when you mean "improbable." That old television program should have been titled Mission: Improbable. Or, if the producers were adamant about calling it Mission: Impossible, then every episode should have ended in failure.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: Don't say, "Quote unquote," without putting something in between. Seriously. If you say, "Quote unquote," this is what you're saying: "" (which obviously is nothing). If you're quoting something, or you're using quotations marks to imply doubt or insincerity about something, whatever it is needs to be within the quotation marks. As in: "He's a quote genius unquote." Saying, "He's a quote unquote genius" is not saying anything at all, at least not about the person in question. It is, however, saying something about you, and not something you likely want said about you.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: The word "bad" is an adjective, not a noun (except in the old sense of "wickedness"). When people began saying "My bad," I would playfully ask them to please finish the thought. Your bad what? Your bad grasp on English? Your bad way of communicating? Your bad understanding of how to use adjectives? I thought that nonsense would pass quickly, but I still hear people say, "My bad." Don't be one of those people. Say, "My mistake" or "My error" or "My fault."

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: When referring to your social media activity, don't use "like" as a noun. While the word "like" can be used as a noun as in, say, "Have you seen the like?" (a line from "Uncle John's Band"), it absolutely cannot be used in the sense of "I got a hundred likes." Saying "I got a hundred likes" makes you sound like the stupidest creature alive. Instead, say "A hundred people liked my post." Better yet, let it pass without comment.

Los Angeles Dodgers Visit White House

The Los Angeles Dodgers, celebrating their second consecutive World Series victory, visited the White House on Thursday. One by one, the players all knelt down before the president and put his limp worm in their mouths. There was no arousal (after all, none of the players resembled Ivanka Trump), though, as Will Klein gleefully announced, "He did pee a little." Shohei Ohtani confirmed the president's incontinence, and both pitchers told reporters that they were never going to wash their mouths out again after such an honor. After the players pledged their undying fealty to the fat old fascist, the team was treated to a special performance by The Jeffrey Epstein Dancers, who were bussed in from a West Virginia grammar school. "This is why I love baseball, and why I am going to miss the game," Clayton Kershaw exclaimed, while twelve-year-old Kaley Smith gave him a lap dance. Kershaw retired at the end of the 2025 season. When asked what he might do now, Kershaw said he'd love to manage. He then clarified that he did not mean a baseball team, but rather the dance troupe who had just entertained him and his fellow teammates. Dodgers team owner Mark Walter promised Dodgers fans another World Series victory in 2026, adding that the opportunity to suck Trump's cock again next year is all the inspiration he needs.