Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: Don't use the word "comprise." Just don't. It is rare that I find it used correctly even in print, even in books by somewhat respected authors. If you have an urge to use the word, instead use "compose." Ninety-nine out of a hundred times, "compose" is the word you wanted anyway. But, here's a little test you can take. Of the following three sentences, only one uses the word "comprise" correctly. Which one do you think it is?

1. Nine players comprise a baseball team.
2. A baseball team is comprised of nine players.
3. A baseball team comprises nine players.

Okay, first of all, yes, I know there are more players on a team. But as far as fielding a team, you need only nine. That being said, which option did you choose?

The only correct one is the third sentence: "A baseball team comprises nine players." You can never say "comprised of." That is always wrong. Say "composed of" to avoid sounding ignorant.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: A word that many people should simply avoid using is "literally." Often when I hear people say it, they actually mean "figuratively," which is basically the opposite. And the emphasis they put on the word makes them sound even dumber. I once heard someone say, "I literally died," with great emphasis on "literally." My urge, of course, was to cut the person's head off because she was admitting to being a zombie, and those creatures never mean us any good.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: Never say that something is "really unique" or "very unique" or "somewhat unique." Things are either unique or they aren't. You cannot modify that adjective. There are no degrees of uniqueness. The word "unique" means that there is just one of whatever it is you're talking about. If there is more than one of something, it is not unique.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: If you feel a need to use abbreviations, at least first know what the abbreviations stand for. That way, you won't utter such foolishness as "PIN number" and "ATM machine." For those who don't know, the "N" in PIN stands for "number," and the "M" in "ATM" stands for "machine," so if you say "PIN number," you are saying "personal identification number number."

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: The word "ultimate" means "the final, the last." It does not mean "the best." Otherwise, what would "penultimate" mean? The second best? A silver medal winner received the penultimate award? Ridiculous. Years ago, a television program was advertised as "the ultimate reality show." I was thrilled with that news, as so-called reality shows had been on for far too long already and every one of them was terrible. But it turned out that advertisement was a fucking lie.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: "Retro" is not a word. It is a prefix, as in "retrograde," "retroactive," "retrocedent" and "retrospect." Using "retro" as a word will certainly alert those around you that you didn't pay attention in school.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: Do not use the word "ambivalent" when you mean "indifferent." The two words have quite different definitions, with "ambivalent" meaning feeling very strongly but in two opposing ways. It's easy to understand the word if you understand the prefix "ambi," which means both. As in "ambidextrous," which means being able to use both hands equally (as opposed to meaning "hands aren't important" or something foolish like that).