Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: When referring to your social media activity, don't use "like" as a noun. While the word "like" can be used as a noun as in, say, "Have you seen the like?" (a line from "Uncle John's Band"), it absolutely cannot be used in the sense of "I got a hundred likes." Saying "I got a hundred likes" makes you sound like the stupidest creature alive. Instead, say "A hundred people liked my post." Better yet, let it pass without comment.

Los Angeles Dodgers Visit White House

The Los Angeles Dodgers, celebrating their second consecutive World Series victory, visited the White House on Thursday. One by one, the players all knelt down before the president and put his limp worm in their mouths. There was no arousal (after all, none of the players resembled Ivanka Trump), though, as Will Klein gleefully announced, "He did pee a little." Shohei Ohtani confirmed the president's incontinence, and both pitchers told reporters that they were never going to wash their mouths out again after such an honor. After the players pledged their undying fealty to the fat old fascist, the team was treated to a special performance by The Jeffrey Epstein Dancers, who were bussed in from a West Virginia grammar school. "This is why I love baseball, and why I am going to miss the game," Clayton Kershaw exclaimed, while twelve-year-old Kaley Smith gave him a lap dance. Kershaw retired at the end of the 2025 season. When asked what he might do now, Kershaw said he'd love to manage. He then clarified that he did not mean a baseball team, but rather the dance troupe who had just entertained him and his fellow teammates. Dodgers team owner Mark Walter promised Dodgers fans another World Series victory in 2026, adding that the opportunity to suck Trump's cock again next year is all the inspiration he needs.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: The word "momentarily" means "for a moment," not "in a moment." People think they sound intelligent when they say, "I'll be with you momentarily," when actually they sound stupid because they're misusing the word. If you do misuse the word, excuse yourself by saying it was a momentary lapse in judgment. You could also say, "Sorry, I momentarily forgot what the word means."

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: Learn how to pronounce "especially." This is a weird one, because it seems that people are misspelling it, for I often hear "eck-specially" and sometimes "ex-specially." I'm curious how these folks write the word. If you spell it correctly, you should pronounce it correctly. And while we're on the subject, for the love of all you hold dear, the word is "ask," not "aks." When someone says "aks," it sounds like "axe," and when I hear "Let me axe you something," I have a strong desire to take an axe to the person's head. I have refrained from doing so thus far, largely because I do not own an axe, but I cannot promise to hold back forever.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: Learn the difference between "healthy" and "healthful." The word "healthy" means "having health" while "healthful" means "serving to promote health." When talking about a meal or diet, for example, you should use "healthful." A healthy meal would be one that is still alive, and while that would certainly make dinner time more interesting, it is probably not what you mean.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: The word "quality" by itself doesn't mean anything in terms of describing the worth of something. Saying "quality workmanship" or "quality merchandise" tells us nothing whatsoever. It could be high-quality, it could be low-quality. Who knows? Think of "quality" the way you think of "degree." If someone said, "degree workmanship," you'd immediately understand how meaningless the statement was. I used to think the use of the word "quality" like that was deliberately deceptive, a way for companies to avoid telling the truth without lying. Now I just think people are idiots.

Tips To Keep You From Sounding Stupid

Here is today's tip to keep you from sounding like a moron: "Snuck" is not a word. "Sneaked" is the correct past tense form of "sneak."

Remember, a common mistake is still a mistake.